The day after

[judecorp]

I suppose it's possible that I'm still in denial or something but I actually feel pretty good today. I have a pretty positive view of death and dying so maybe this is my general state. Either way, I'm not complaining.

Baga and I got through the plans for the visiting hours/funeral/burial and all of that, and aside from the price tag I think it all went okay. We're pretty similar people so it wasn't terribly hard to pick out all the stuff. I will say that the whole experience has completely and totally confirmed my desire to be cremated and have the most simple service ever. Wow.

Rick also talked to dad's doctor who was equally surprised about everything, since he'd seen dad a couple of weeks ago, taken blood, and given him a clean bill of health. I guess current speculation is that dad had some sort of serious infection that just got worse and worse, and in his stubbornness he just kept going and waiting for it to fix itself. He had a couple of boils that he had been complaining about, and he'd been encouraged to see a doctor. I don't know why I'm really reading up on this right now, but apparently boils are staph infections and untreated boils can cause septicemia (blood poisoning). That sounds exactly like what happened. It kills me to think that perhaps it all could have been averted with a trip to the doctor... so I just don't think that way. Cognitive restructuring at its finest!

I went through a bunch of my dad's mail and found a couple of bills and some other stuff, and made a big pile of junk mail. It's kind of weird to be in his apartment without him there. When we all lived together we lived on the first floor, but sometime after I moved out he decided to go to the second, so it's never seemed like my place. (I don't even have a key.) I don't know if I was ever in there without him, except maybe the one night Jen and I slept on his floor when he was recovering from heart surgery.

Visiting hours at the funeral parlor are on Sunday from 4-8pm, and the funeral will be Monday morning at 10:00. If anyone is interested in attending, feel free to contact me and I will get you the details. I know that there are people I should be contacting, but I just haven't felt like doing it. I've got a bit of a sore throat that absolutely has to go away. Like now. And I'm kind of enjoying being in my own head a little.

Really, when you get right down to it, my father could have died in 2001 when he had his big heart attack. I feel like I got 3.5 extra years, and I'm totally okay with that.

Comments

[prunesnprisms.livejournal.com]

Sent you email. Love you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Answered. Love you back. Bed now.

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Wish I could do more for you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks for everything. It means a lot to all of us.

[dustyskinandall.livejournal.com]

my condolences... i hope you don't mind if I light a couple of candles for him at my church? I'm an Italian-Catholic-witchy type... I won't do it if you don't want me to.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That would be fine. Thank you for thinking of us.

xoxo

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry Jude. I wish I could come over there and give you a hug. How old was your father?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, C. He was 57.

[spacecadetjen.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear about your father passing away and how odd that he'd recently seen his doctor and all. Wow. As you said, you got an extra 3.5 years and that's a good way to look at it. It still is sad of course, but it sounds like you are doing okay anyway. All my love and stuff are directed toward you and your family. *hugs*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Jen.

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss, dear Jude, but am glad you're able to keep some perspective on it. It'll be perfectly understandable if this hits you differently at different times, so don't hesitate to share, release, ask for help, hugs, or whatever if you think you need or want it.

3.5 bonus years....that's good.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Scott. I'm really glad to hear that you enjoyed your trip so much. I'm happy for you.

I'm sure that time will see a variety of emotions and responses. I just hope I'm able to keep a level head, you know? There's always too much to do.

[prettyvacantone.livejournal.com]

Could you post an address to the funeral home, or email it to me (fracturing at gmail dot com) ? I'd like to send flowers.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I sure will. Thank you.

[ktmcda.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're in a positive space about it. I hope your next few weeks go well. Again, so sorry for your loss. And glad he got those extra years.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, K. Give Birdie (and H!) a kiss for me, will ya?

xoxo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, S.

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Well, I just want you to know you have been in my thoughts. If there was more I could say I would.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks, D. I appreciate it.

[laserkitty.livejournal.com]

You sound like you're doing well. I don't think I could be that strong. Love you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Who knows, it could all fall to pieces, you know? We'll see what happens when I have to go back to work.

xoxo

*hugs*

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's evile. Kahlua told me about your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. *big hugs*

Re: *hugs*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your dad, Jude. You seem to have a really honest view of life, and death is a part of life. It hurts to lose people we love, but you got time with him, your brother got to be there in time to say goodbye, and like you said before, he's in a better place without suffering.

I'm praying for you and your family. I know that you'll continue to see your life and every day as a gift, and that will help honor your dad's life and his memory. Some day, I'm going to come up there and give you a big, squishy hug.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to it, Dr. K. I'm trying not to berate myself for not looking up this information sooner and thinking that maybe I could have pressured him into seeing a fine doctor such as yourself. It's sad that things like stubbornness and lack of medical insurance could have contributed to something so terrible... but what can we do?

Come visit anytime.

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind a Widget coming along, we may come for visiting hours Sunday. I'll give you a call.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I doubt I'd mind seeing a Widget, as long as you think that will be okay for her. (It might be an open casket, not sure, those creep me out but it's not just about me, yanno?)

I do love me some Widget.

Excellent perspective

[sunshyne72.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to tell you I think you're amazing.
It is a hard process and what you said about cremation, I totally agree, just make sure your family knows and doesn't dispute and it's a good thing to put in a will or just plan your own funeral, which some say is ew, but it's less work for family to deal with later.

And, you mentioned they found out your dad was Diabetic and boils are also a sympton of that. That's how my grandmother was diagnosed forever ago.

I am really sorry for your loss, though. I know you will miss him. Take care of yourself!

Re: Excellent perspective

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was reading about the boils/diabetes connection online last night also. My grandfather has Type II Diabetes as well... not sure about my uncle. Insulin resistance is a form of Type II also so I guess I'm up there in that category, too. (No boils for me, thanks.)

Boils can come to anyone with a compromised immunce system, whether through illness or something else. They sound really yucky and I can see why my dad didn't want to talk to anyone about them. I just wish he would have. Drat.

Suck.