The day after

[judecorp]

I suppose it's possible that I'm still in denial or something but I actually feel pretty good today. I have a pretty positive view of death and dying so maybe this is my general state. Either way, I'm not complaining.

Baga and I got through the plans for the visiting hours/funeral/burial and all of that, and aside from the price tag I think it all went okay. We're pretty similar people so it wasn't terribly hard to pick out all the stuff. I will say that the whole experience has completely and totally confirmed my desire to be cremated and have the most simple service ever. Wow.

Rick also talked to dad's doctor who was equally surprised about everything, since he'd seen dad a couple of weeks ago, taken blood, and given him a clean bill of health. I guess current speculation is that dad had some sort of serious infection that just got worse and worse, and in his stubbornness he just kept going and waiting for it to fix itself. He had a couple of boils that he had been complaining about, and he'd been encouraged to see a doctor. I don't know why I'm really reading up on this right now, but apparently boils are staph infections and untreated boils can cause septicemia (blood poisoning). That sounds exactly like what happened. It kills me to think that perhaps it all could have been averted with a trip to the doctor... so I just don't think that way. Cognitive restructuring at its finest!

I went through a bunch of my dad's mail and found a couple of bills and some other stuff, and made a big pile of junk mail. It's kind of weird to be in his apartment without him there. When we all lived together we lived on the first floor, but sometime after I moved out he decided to go to the second, so it's never seemed like my place. (I don't even have a key.) I don't know if I was ever in there without him, except maybe the one night Jen and I slept on his floor when he was recovering from heart surgery.

Visiting hours at the funeral parlor are on Sunday from 4-8pm, and the funeral will be Monday morning at 10:00. If anyone is interested in attending, feel free to contact me and I will get you the details. I know that there are people I should be contacting, but I just haven't felt like doing it. I've got a bit of a sore throat that absolutely has to go away. Like now. And I'm kind of enjoying being in my own head a little.

Really, when you get right down to it, my father could have died in 2001 when he had his big heart attack. I feel like I got 3.5 extra years, and I'm totally okay with that.

Comments

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your dad, Jude. You seem to have a really honest view of life, and death is a part of life. It hurts to lose people we love, but you got time with him, your brother got to be there in time to say goodbye, and like you said before, he's in a better place without suffering.

I'm praying for you and your family. I know that you'll continue to see your life and every day as a gift, and that will help honor your dad's life and his memory. Some day, I'm going to come up there and give you a big, squishy hug.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to it, Dr. K. I'm trying not to berate myself for not looking up this information sooner and thinking that maybe I could have pressured him into seeing a fine doctor such as yourself. It's sad that things like stubbornness and lack of medical insurance could have contributed to something so terrible... but what can we do?

Come visit anytime.