Why not us?

[judecorp]

The hard thing about knowing a whole bunch of people who are also trying to have a baby is that they run the risk of being successful sooner than you. And then you're in this weird place where you're happy for them, really and truly happy for them, but can't help but wonder, "Why them and not us?" Another friend successful on the second month of Clomid - 2 tries seems to be the magic number for everyone but us. Hopefully 3 will be our lucky number.

I just know we're up against so much because we get one try a month and we have fertility problems and all of that. Sometimes it just seems so foolish to try, like we're just setting ourselves up for heartache. My doctor's office already made me schedule an appointment after my next negative test to talk about more aggressive treatments. They say that they hope I can cancel the appointment because of a positive, but just /having/ the appointment feels like giving up in some ways. And I don't really want to move on to more aggressive treatments. I just want things to work.

My SIL has started talking about babymaking and mentioned that she went off birth control and went right back to her normal 29-day cycle. While I am pleased that she is so fortunate, it just reinforces that there is something wrong with me and my body doesn't work properly in that respect. I feel kind of like a loser in the woman department. And I'm not sure what else we can do to help our chances... we can try supplementing our IUIs with at-home inseminations and buy additional sperm or whatever but that is going to get awfully pricey awfully quickly. But hey, I guess if we're moving on to more aggressive options we'll have to be more aggressive with the finances.

We just want to get pregnant so badly and I have such a hard time figuring out why it has to be so difficult.

~//~

On a totally unrelated note, Jen and I went to Providence last night to do dinner and video games at Dave & Buster's. We won a bazillion tickets playing a fun trivia game. I also played this boxing game where you have to do the actual punching and got to the third boxer! A couple of dudes were watching and then they played after. It was funny to hear one dude say to his friend, "Come on, that girl got to the third boxer," and especially gratifying when they got KO'd by the second boxer. I RULE THE BOXING WORLD.

Perhaps I'm much more cut out for boxing than babymaking.

~//~

And HUGE congratulations to Former Coworker Sarah who got her BFP today!

Comments

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I am still holding out hope for you guys big time. If there's anyone in the world who "deserves" to be pregnant, it is you and Joel. I don't know how you guys have kept going for so long - I know that I don't have that kind of stamina. I've already been thinking about packing it in and starting the adoption process; it just seems more definite.

You ARE brave, even if you think you are only going on because you HAVE to. I know that we don't want to do IVF, so I hope that doesn't end up our only option.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Some days I don't know how I keep going ... I just wake up and concentrate on moving forward. I still have lots of hope. I don't know how long that will last. Hopefully, I won't have to find out.
I know that you and Jen will be excellent parents whichever route you have to go. I would change sperm donors. Get that super sperm and give it a few chances! I'm so looking forward to us both being pregnant soon.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you have a lot of hope. Your strength gives ME hope. Seriously. It sounds cheesy but it's true.

I'm looking at new donors right now. We really should have looked a long time ago, and I tried a couple of times, but there was too much going on for Jen to get involved. Now I'm worried that it will be too late! We're thinking of switching banks altogether so I have to hope that the bank and doctor can get their ducks in a row quickly!

Frustrating!

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I gain strength from you and everyone going through infertility. I don't have very many "real life" friends that understand what I'm going through. All of my family and friends who have wanted babies have had them no problem!
It's comforting to have your support and friendship. I know we will be life-long friends because of the bond we have.
I can just see us finally making it up to Boston someday with our baby, meeting you and yours. It WILL happen. I just know it!
Stay strong, and I will do the same. Thank you so much for your friendship. :)
Good luck with finding a new donor. I'm sure you'll get someone in time. It's all about time, heh?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Awwh, you're going to make me all misty. It doesn't take much with all of this pressure and all of these hormones! I was crying at the radio today! (I need help.)

We picked out a new donor (actually a top 3) and I am going to try to call the bank first thing tomorrow morning and see about making the switch. All 3 that we picked have confirmed pregnancies and we are ordering from a bank that guarantees 30million motile. Hopefully that will do the trick.

Jennie, I really can't wait for the day that you come to Massachusetts or we come to Texas with our child(ren) in tow. Sometimes I feel like I have known you for years and years. This process really does change people, doesn't it? Kind of lets you know who's with you and who's not.

xoxo

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I also feel like we have known each other for a lifetime. I know someday we will be holding our babies remembering how we helped each other get through this hard time. Yes, I'm weepy now too. :)
Good luck tomorrow. 30 million motile sounds great!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Maybe someday soon we can bump babybellies together!