Acupuncture is going to kill me
Jun. 20th, 2006 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI got the scare of my life this afternoon when I came home from work and found all of the fire alarms in the hallways going off (they are all wired together and hard-wired to the power lines). I was so worried about the cats, so I ran upstairs and started looking for fires, then called the landlord. Then I had to leave for acupuncture and felt SO guilty about leaving the cats and so worried! Thankfully there was no fire - our central air unit wasn't draining properly and flooded a bit, which I guess shorted out the alarms - but it was scary! No relaxation for me tonight!
~//~
I don't think this acupuncture thing is for me, or at least, I don't think this particular acupuncturist is working for me. Jen pointed out tonight that I'm actually /more/ stressed because of the acupuncture stuff than less, and tonight I was visibly upset. The Woman Acupuncturist makes me kind of nervous and comes across as fairly judgmental, while the Man Acupuncturist is usually more understanding and mellow. I don't know if this is on purpose or not (like a 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' thing), but it unnerves me. Today the Woman Acupuncturist came to talk to me about dietary changes. And you, I told her when I started that I was totally on board with dietary suggestions. And when the Man Acupuncturist said I shouldn't have ice cream, I thought, "Okay, I can avoid ice cream even though it is my favorite."
So TWA busts out the diet plan, and on the forbidden list is, well, basically everything I eat (and some things I don't, like caffiene and artificial sweeteners). Some of the highlights that made me really lose it were: dairy products (all), fruit (all but occasional servings of grapes or cherries), raw vegetables, cold beverages, and frozen foods. I tried to be very calm and said, "I'm a little concerned that I won't really be able to eat." I tried to explain to her that one of the things I had been working on was eating a balanced diet, and that I did have some respect for the food pyramid and had been trying to follow it to some degree. I also told her that my diet was complicated by the fact that I don't eat most meats, don't eat eggs, and am kind of weird about breakfast (meaning I am not one of those people that can eat regular foods for breakfast; I can only deal with breakfast-y foods). So I started with breakfast, telling her my concern. Basically, for breakfast I usually eat one of the following: a bowl of cheerios with milk and fruit, a protein shake (made with milk, protein powder, and a little fruit), or plain yogurt with fruit. Now sometimes I branch out and have toast with peanut butter, but not often because it's actually much easier and more pleasant to take all of my Metformin with milk. So I said, "What would you suggest I eat for breakfast?" and she said oatmeal or a bowl of brown rice.
And this is where I got /really/ upset, because hello, I have insulin resistance and am also supposed to be really careful about carbs, making sure to balance carbs with protein, etc. And then she gets kind of a face and tells me that yes, I should be careful about my glycemic index and I wanted to shudder, because at least right now my sugar is not a problem, just the amount of insulin I had. But whatever. (And let's not even talk about the idea of avoiding salads, cold drinks, and frozen food IN THE SUMMER.)
So at some point she realizes I am upset and she offers me a tissue, which was probably a nice gesture but ticked me off. And then proceeds to tell me basically that I am incredibly unhealthy, that she can tell by all of the gastromic symptoms I have (of which most are caused by Metformin) and my long history of menstrual cycle problems that I am in a major health crisis and she is very concerned about me. That she needs to be honest with me that I have a very concerning body and that my pulses are very concerning and that I should be very, very worried. And that she "can see where it has all come from" because of "my difficulties with dietary change." (She also said that I should believe her over the food pyramid because the food pyramid is a tool of the dairy industry. Which is partly true - the food pyramid is fueled by the agriculture industry in general.)
Now I am the first to admit that I am weird about food, and that I am quite picky. So when she told me that what I should eat in abundance are sweet potatoes, yams, and beets, I knew it was going to go downhill fast. (Because they are all gross!) I am weird about food, and weirder about breakfast. And yes, change is difficult for me. But I don't think upping my carb intake and adding more meat to my diet right now is a good idea.
But I can't shake the feeling that she was being incredibly judgmental. I told her that I had been working hard on my eating and trying to make responsible food choices, that my wife had met with a nutritionist a while back and he had come up with healthy eating tips for both of us and that I had really busted my ass to shape up my eating. (Hello, I lost 30 lbs.) I just don't feel like she acknowledges, AT ALL, that I have any sort of health. And what she uses for the basis of her judgment is that a healthy woman should get pregnant on the first try, which /infuriates/ me because something like 8-20% of cycles end in pregnancy. But whatever. I'm not a pinnacle of health, but I don't believe I'm chronically unhealthy, either.
By the time I got to the actual acupuncture part I was so worked up that all I could do was lay there and fret about food and food choices, and also wonder whether my house had burned down or not. It was seriously one of the longest half hours of my life, and I was so ramped up. When I was there in the dark, all I could think about was that I was a bad person for eating dairy products and fruits, and that I had ruined my chances of ever getting pregnant and, more importantly, ever being a healthy person by trying to follow the food pyramid. I felt guilty for drinking cold water, for crying out loud! Who the hell feels guilty for drinking cold water?
Jen doesn't want me to go there anymore because she thinks it is making me very upset and that it is making me feel bad about myself. I'm starting to think that she's right. But then of course I think, "What if I /am/ concerningly unhealthy? What if there /is/ something terribly wrong with me?" And I get tied up in knots. Because I /feel/ healthy. I look good, I feel good, I have more energy than I used to and I don't get sick often. I started taking medication that has started to regulate my cycles and my hormones and cholesterol and stuff are in check. And I'm so confused.
This was supposed to be a relaxing enhancement to our fertility plan, but now I wish I had never gone to acupuncture.
~//~
I don't think this acupuncture thing is for me, or at least, I don't think this particular acupuncturist is working for me. Jen pointed out tonight that I'm actually /more/ stressed because of the acupuncture stuff than less, and tonight I was visibly upset. The Woman Acupuncturist makes me kind of nervous and comes across as fairly judgmental, while the Man Acupuncturist is usually more understanding and mellow. I don't know if this is on purpose or not (like a 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' thing), but it unnerves me. Today the Woman Acupuncturist came to talk to me about dietary changes. And you, I told her when I started that I was totally on board with dietary suggestions. And when the Man Acupuncturist said I shouldn't have ice cream, I thought, "Okay, I can avoid ice cream even though it is my favorite."
So TWA busts out the diet plan, and on the forbidden list is, well, basically everything I eat (and some things I don't, like caffiene and artificial sweeteners). Some of the highlights that made me really lose it were: dairy products (all), fruit (all but occasional servings of grapes or cherries), raw vegetables, cold beverages, and frozen foods. I tried to be very calm and said, "I'm a little concerned that I won't really be able to eat." I tried to explain to her that one of the things I had been working on was eating a balanced diet, and that I did have some respect for the food pyramid and had been trying to follow it to some degree. I also told her that my diet was complicated by the fact that I don't eat most meats, don't eat eggs, and am kind of weird about breakfast (meaning I am not one of those people that can eat regular foods for breakfast; I can only deal with breakfast-y foods). So I started with breakfast, telling her my concern. Basically, for breakfast I usually eat one of the following: a bowl of cheerios with milk and fruit, a protein shake (made with milk, protein powder, and a little fruit), or plain yogurt with fruit. Now sometimes I branch out and have toast with peanut butter, but not often because it's actually much easier and more pleasant to take all of my Metformin with milk. So I said, "What would you suggest I eat for breakfast?" and she said oatmeal or a bowl of brown rice.
And this is where I got /really/ upset, because hello, I have insulin resistance and am also supposed to be really careful about carbs, making sure to balance carbs with protein, etc. And then she gets kind of a face and tells me that yes, I should be careful about my glycemic index and I wanted to shudder, because at least right now my sugar is not a problem, just the amount of insulin I had. But whatever. (And let's not even talk about the idea of avoiding salads, cold drinks, and frozen food IN THE SUMMER.)
So at some point she realizes I am upset and she offers me a tissue, which was probably a nice gesture but ticked me off. And then proceeds to tell me basically that I am incredibly unhealthy, that she can tell by all of the gastromic symptoms I have (of which most are caused by Metformin) and my long history of menstrual cycle problems that I am in a major health crisis and she is very concerned about me. That she needs to be honest with me that I have a very concerning body and that my pulses are very concerning and that I should be very, very worried. And that she "can see where it has all come from" because of "my difficulties with dietary change." (She also said that I should believe her over the food pyramid because the food pyramid is a tool of the dairy industry. Which is partly true - the food pyramid is fueled by the agriculture industry in general.)
Now I am the first to admit that I am weird about food, and that I am quite picky. So when she told me that what I should eat in abundance are sweet potatoes, yams, and beets, I knew it was going to go downhill fast. (Because they are all gross!) I am weird about food, and weirder about breakfast. And yes, change is difficult for me. But I don't think upping my carb intake and adding more meat to my diet right now is a good idea.
But I can't shake the feeling that she was being incredibly judgmental. I told her that I had been working hard on my eating and trying to make responsible food choices, that my wife had met with a nutritionist a while back and he had come up with healthy eating tips for both of us and that I had really busted my ass to shape up my eating. (Hello, I lost 30 lbs.) I just don't feel like she acknowledges, AT ALL, that I have any sort of health. And what she uses for the basis of her judgment is that a healthy woman should get pregnant on the first try, which /infuriates/ me because something like 8-20% of cycles end in pregnancy. But whatever. I'm not a pinnacle of health, but I don't believe I'm chronically unhealthy, either.
By the time I got to the actual acupuncture part I was so worked up that all I could do was lay there and fret about food and food choices, and also wonder whether my house had burned down or not. It was seriously one of the longest half hours of my life, and I was so ramped up. When I was there in the dark, all I could think about was that I was a bad person for eating dairy products and fruits, and that I had ruined my chances of ever getting pregnant and, more importantly, ever being a healthy person by trying to follow the food pyramid. I felt guilty for drinking cold water, for crying out loud! Who the hell feels guilty for drinking cold water?
Jen doesn't want me to go there anymore because she thinks it is making me very upset and that it is making me feel bad about myself. I'm starting to think that she's right. But then of course I think, "What if I /am/ concerningly unhealthy? What if there /is/ something terribly wrong with me?" And I get tied up in knots. Because I /feel/ healthy. I look good, I feel good, I have more energy than I used to and I don't get sick often. I started taking medication that has started to regulate my cycles and my hormones and cholesterol and stuff are in check. And I'm so confused.
This was supposed to be a relaxing enhancement to our fertility plan, but now I wish I had never gone to acupuncture.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:18 am (UTC)Oatmeal is a deliciously tasty breakfast food. Making it with soy milk with some added soy protein powder might balance it out for you, if of course you can eat soy. But oatmeal when it's hot= not as good. I've also occassionally made short grain brown rice with coconut milk- very good without any sweetener, if you can do the coconut milk (i'd guess it's high in sugar, though not the added kind).
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:10 am (UTC)I agree about oatmeal. In the winter, I eat oatmeal, and have found this high fiber, high protein oatmeal that I was working into my diet. But it's HOT, and hot weather makes oatmeal suuuuuck. :) (Also, I put milk in my oatmeal. What can I say? I guess I'm a milk addict in the morning.)
And to her credit, she gave reasons why - all about how I have a weak spleen system and a weak digestive system and a weak kidney system. Which is odd to me because the dude had told me my kidneys were good, but I dunno. So yeah, there were reasons but not exactly reasons why each food was bad, except for the occasional "this causes dampness in the body" or somesuch.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:30 am (UTC)Just my $0.02 *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:12 am (UTC)But yeah, I never imagined it would go down this way. I knew the third visit was a diet talk, but I guess in my mind there would be some suggestions, some substitutions, and a WHOLE lot of support. Maybe that's my social worker ness coming out?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-23 11:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:31 am (UTC)I know that the Western Medical ummm...system? is not the be all end all, and has its flaws, but really, it works for a lot of people. Yeah, the agriculture industry may have some push w/ the food pyramid, but it also works for a lot of people. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you /feel/ healthy and /look/ healthy and have good energy, you are probably pretty healthy. Your doctor would have noticed if you weren't.
When I took a Reiki class (healing touch), there was a point made several times that I didn't buy -- that all disease happens because on some level, the person "wants" to be sick. This is a Japanese healing art, and a similar attitude toward health. I have known plenty of sick people who did not /want/ to be sick on any level. I'm not saying there's nothing to this idea, but I am saying that it isn't always true. I have a feeling that these ideas on diet are coming from a similar place.
If these people are stressing you out (and I think they are), maybe look into another accupuncturist or stop alltogether. That's just my two cents -- you know best what is good for you.
*hug*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:19 am (UTC)I think I would have a problem, too, with the idea that a sick person wants to be sick. Now I'm not saying that's not true for all people (because there are some people who DO want to be sick!), but I think of my friend Palmer who died recently of cancer, and how hard he struggled and how much faith he had - especially since he lost his young wife of cancer just a few years earlier and they left behind a 4 year old son. Did he want to be sick? I just can't believe that to be true.
I don't like feeling so stressed out about something that was intended to help me relax better.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 01:48 pm (UTC)I hope you can find someone or something that works to help you relax more. I could give you the name of a great massage therapist, but she's in Pittsburgh.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:51 pm (UTC)I'm not sure what you mean by inner health. Spiritual health? Mental health?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:43 am (UTC)And basically, the whole premise of acupuncture is to restore healthy flow of chi (energy, blood) to have total health. So it's not really mental or spiritual or physical, but kind of all of both.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:45 am (UTC)Don't go back. Can you ensure you only get the guy?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:22 am (UTC)We paid up front for 4 sessions (and they weren't cheap), so I'm inclined to go on Thursday if only to explain to them in person why we think it's a bad idea for me to see them.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:23 am (UTC)The place I go to is called Plum Blossom Clinic in Inman Square. What are these Guinea Pig Classes of which you speak? I am curious.
So yes, let us grab some room temperature water and some steamed spinach and rehash old nightmares.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 05:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 06:19 am (UTC)But seriously, this woman sounds like a frickin' nightmare. Run far, far away from that acupuncture office, and fast. You can defnintely find someone better.
Is it even NORMAL for acu folks to be all in your face about what you're eating? Isn't that someone ELSE's job, like maybe a dietician? Does this acu woman harrass all their clients about their food choices or just whoever is trying to conceive? I highly doubt that everyone who goes in for acu is also expected to change all this other stuff as well.
IMO (if that EVER helps ANYone) you ARE a quite healthy person. I think that for eating and exercise areas you are one of the most healthy people I know! I worry about you sometimes for like, stress issues, but honestly that's it-- I've always had a perception of you in these other areas as being quite a healthy person.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:28 am (UTC)I agree that anxiety and stress are problems for me. I'm so there, and it's one of the things I brought up on the first day - that I was going there to try to learn to relax and whatever. And I've felt pretty judged there from the very first day, so I guess I should have trusted my instincts. *shrug*
As for what is normal for acupuncturists, I don't know because I've never gone to one before. But from what I hear from other people who are doing acu for infertility, it's not like that. So I don't know. (Most people I know are doing acu for IVF, and they go for 2 treatments a month - one before and one after transfer.)
As for the dietician, the acupuncturist basically told me that of course the nutritionist Jen saw would say whatever, because the Western dietary model was so different than the Eastern and Western medicine sucks and all of that.
I appreciate that you think I'm healthy. I've always felt healthy! I feel like I come from good, healthy stock!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 06:27 am (UTC)If you return to acupuncture, insist that you get the man to work with you, but really I agree with Jenn that you should just not go back. AND that you might benefit from doing some kind of ritual to rid yourself of the bad feelings and energy that woman conjured inside you.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:38 am (UTC)i'd be willing to bet you'd have a far different experience with someone else. ditch that freak!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 12:22 pm (UTC)(((hugs to you)))
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:45 am (UTC)But she and this whole situation have definitely given me more stress and anxiety, and I definitely don't need that - not now and not ever.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 12:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 01:01 pm (UTC)I'd get my money back for the prepaid sessions and tell her exactly why you won't be back. Paid by cc? Super easy to get back. By check or cash? A little harder, but go through the BBB. And aren't they licensed? Threaten to go to their licensing board: they shouldn't be treating a person like that.
And btw, my dietary advice from my Endocrinologist is that I eat equal amounts of carbs and protein at each meal. For carbs, it's not avoiding sweet stuff, but avoiding processed carbs: white bread/flour, white rice, sugar, etc. Fruit is just fine because of the natural sugars. For ice cream, I've been having soy ice cream instead, because it has that balance (and I'd die if I gave up ice cream completely). There's a book called "The PCOS Diet" that has some great information in it.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:54 am (UTC)I guess right now my immediate concern is my insulin/sugar levels more than my chi flow. And maybe I'm misguided or going about it wrong, but that's where I am. And it's been working.
Part of me wants to keep my appointment tomorrow just to tell her exactly why I am leaving her practice. *shrug* Not sure.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 01:07 pm (UTC)Buuuuuttt she definitely should have explained that to you, and not been so hard-handed about it. I'm sorry, Jude. It does sound like she wants to help you, and I know this stuff all sounds incredibly bizarre, but her bedside manner needs some work. I would read up a little bit about Ayurveda (it's a sister science to yoga and if you've ever shopped at Aveda then you've been practicing it right there ;) ) and come back to her with your questions. And if she's not preaching Ayurveda, I don't know, maybe she's just a weird bitch. :P
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 01:44 pm (UTC)Sorry you had that experience, Jude. Don't go back there if they're going to be snotty and obnoxious and make you feel bad about yourself. That said, your experience doesn't sound entirely uncommon. If you want to stick with it (haha get it, STICK), I'd recommend trying some other place. It's just like anything else- you need to find someone who you like and trust and this woman obviously is not going to fit that bill anytime soon.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:51 am (UTC)She was definitely coming from a Chinese background more than Ayurveda but yeah, totally going in the same direction. I just didn't like the way she didn't listen AT ALL to my concerns except to offer me a tissue. I didn't want a tissue, I wanted to process solutions to my breakfast problem.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 06:19 pm (UTC)By the way, can you clarify what your breakfast problem is? Is it just that you don't do meat/eggs in the morning? Because neither do I and I have a bunch of different things I eat for breakfast. I'd be happy to rattle them all off if you want.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 09:02 pm (UTC)But anyway, yeah, carbs. And I have been trying very hard to not eat any carbs without balancing them out with some protein, because just eating straight carbs effs with me and I'm trying to be good to my insulin. So without meat and eggs, the easiest proteins have been soy protein and dairy products (yogurt, milk). When I started trying to get knocked up, I cut back on the soy for the estrogen factor (since I'm taking fertility drugs and don't want to make anything weird with extra estrogen) and increased milk. It's easier to take my 4 morning horsechoker pills with something thicker, like milk in my cereal or a protein shake.
So eliminating dairy products really threw me for a loop in terms of how to get a proper balance of carbs and protein in the morning without having to rely solely on toast with peanut butter and trying to choke down the pills with water. I considered rice milk and/or almond milk (to eliminate the soy problem), but I'm pretty sure those have less protein. And they taste like ass. ;)
So yeah, it's a little whiny but that's basically my problem. I can do meat or fake meat at breakfast on weekends when I have time to prepare something, but before work I'm out the door before I can, you know, prepare some sort of intense meal.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 11:17 pm (UTC)There are a lot of high protein cereals, though, if you're worried that you aren't getting enough protein in the morning. Special K Low-Carb Lifestyle has 10 grams of protein for 3/4 cup and Kashi 7-Grain clocks in with 7 grams for only 1/2 cup. I eat those both and then switch to yogurt, granola, and fruit when I get bored of cereal. I like rice milk a lot though, so I dunno what to tell you if you aren't drinking milk, can't do soy, and don't like rice and almond. Learn to eat your cereal dry? :)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-23 02:28 am (UTC)And I do enjoy those higher protein cereals, I have a Kashi in the cupboard right now (next to the cheerios, because they're yummy and have the lowest sugar ever) but GOD DAMN do they have to soak a long time before you can chew the chunks without breaking your teeth! I think they're made of steel, not protein and fiber! It's like eating trees! :)
I love eating yogurt with granola and fruit. So yum. Have you ever tried putting coffee syrup (a rhode island delicasy) in plain yogurt? It's pretty YOM.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:39 am (UTC)But I also think it's irresponsible to discuss grievous dietary changes with someone who has other dietary issues going on. It's not healthy for me to eat a lot of, say, sweet potatoes... or things like a bowl of brown rice and a glass of rice milk. I think there has to be some listening on both sides. Something like:
Her: Can you try drinking room temperature water?
Me: Okay, but I can't eat oatmeal for breakfast without some sort of protein.
You know? I don't know. I just don't dig her judgment.
p.s. I don't think you've gone off the New Agey deep end. And I think you know a lot more about people than this lady.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 03:16 pm (UTC)anyhow, those dietary suggestions? no. not for someone with insulin issues, or someone who is trying to get pg. i would be more apt to believe a nutritionist over a chiro.
beets taste like dirt.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 12:57 am (UTC)And yeah, I was really concerned about the insulin bit, especially how it relates to my overall fertility picture. How is it helpful if I restore my chi flow but end up ramping up my PCOS stuff?
I hate beets. They're freaking gross.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 07:31 pm (UTC)Even if this woman is correct, you do NOT NOT NOT need all of the negative energy she exudes from her very pores, which you have the misfortune to be entirely too near. And that is backed up by medicine from BOTH hemispheres. Your psychic health affects your physical health far more than frickin' sweet potatoes do.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 01:00 am (UTC)Should I eat more orange vegetables? Probably, sure. I tend to eat a lot of greens but I know that all colors are good. But should I OD on sweet potatoes or yams when I'm supposed to be smart about my starches/carbs? No way.
I think I'm going to go tomorrow, only to explain to her why I won't be coming back. If I didn't, I would feel weird imagining what they assumed about why I wasn't there instead.