Judecorp.

Jen and I had an awesome Date Night at the back end of an awesomely noneventful day. I had a home visit at 10 that ended 30 minutes early because the kid was sick, then went home for an hour, then went to a 12pm visit that was pretty easy, then home. Awesome.

After kicking it around the house with Jen for a bit, we decided to head up to Kendall to see an early showing of Wordplay, which was really enjoyable. I love nerdumentaries. And we ended up getting free tickets because they had some sort of trivia question that Jen answered! Then we braved the traffic and headed out to Cleveland Circle to Cityside to eat dinner and play a little NTN trivia. We stayed for several hours and played about 3-4 games... and on one of them (Triviaoke) I was #16 in the /whole network/! Sweet!

I am exhausted now, exacerbated by waking up at 6 this morning and being unable to fall back asleep (thanks, Daedalus), but I'm holding out to take my vitamin until my stomach empties a little bit more.

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The Acupuncture Woman called me today to say she was sorry that I had a stressful time. Only that's not really what she said - what she snarked was that she "was truly sorry that her expertise on my condition and suggestions about my diet were so upsetting." And I wasn't going to get into it but as soon as she said "expertise" and "condition" I couldn't avoid it. So I told her that I didn't decide to leave because of the dietary suggestions, but because of several other things that happened throughout my time there that were making me uncomfortable. When she asked what they were, I didn't really want to get into a big confrontation (which is why I didn't go last night) but did tell her that I was really turned off when she and the other dude were talking in hushed tones about another client in a very negative manner when I was right there in the waiting room, and how just the idea of them having an unprofessional conversation like that about me made me feel uncomfortable. So of course she apologized a lot and said that she didn't remember that happening (whatever. she and the dude had a similar conversation in front of Jen the time she waited for me in the waiting room.) but that it was indeed unprofessional. She apologized a hundred times but I definitely got the vibe that she still felt that I left because I couldn't handle "her expertise about my condition." Either way, she totally surprised me by saying she was going to send me a check for the cost of my unused session, even though I only cancelled about 2.5 hours before. $WEET!

I'm having another one of those "I want to play!" days because the weather is simply perfect. Unfortunately I have quite the full day today, with three hours of play group followed by a quick lunch followed by three back-to-back home visits. I'm a little nervous about my second because it's with one of my Vietnamese families and our translator starts her vacation today. She assures me that Mom speaks English but I really think it's wishful thinking on her part because whenever I have talked with her in the past, we just don't understand each other outside of certain courtesies like hellos and thank yous. So we'll see.

I'm still debating whether or not I should even go to my last session of acupuncture. I wanted to ask Jen about it this morning but she left for work while I was in the shower. I am so torn about the whole thing - do I go and risk a confrontation or do I stay home and waste the money and potential benefit? Drama.

My temps are up but I don't think I ovulated... I think I'm having one of those fake ovulatory charts. Eh, doesn't matter since nothing's going on anyway.

Did I mention that I don't want to work? Yeah.

I got the scare of my life this afternoon when I came home from work and found all of the fire alarms in the hallways going off (they are all wired together and hard-wired to the power lines). I was so worried about the cats, so I ran upstairs and started looking for fires, then called the landlord. Then I had to leave for acupuncture and felt SO guilty about leaving the cats and so worried! Thankfully there was no fire - our central air unit wasn't draining properly and flooded a bit, which I guess shorted out the alarms - but it was scary! No relaxation for me tonight!

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I don't think this acupuncture thing is for me, or at least, I don't think this particular acupuncturist is working for me. Jen pointed out tonight that I'm actually /more/ stressed because of the acupuncture stuff than less, and tonight I was visibly upset. The Woman Acupuncturist makes me kind of nervous and comes across as fairly judgmental, while the Man Acupuncturist is usually more understanding and mellow. I don't know if this is on purpose or not (like a 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' thing), but it unnerves me. Today the Woman Acupuncturist came to talk to me about dietary changes. And you, I told her when I started that I was totally on board with dietary suggestions. And when the Man Acupuncturist said I shouldn't have ice cream, I thought, "Okay, I can avoid ice cream even though it is my favorite."

So TWA busts out the diet plan, and on the forbidden list is, well, basically everything I eat (and some things I don't, like caffiene and artificial sweeteners). Some of the highlights that made me really lose it were: dairy products (all), fruit (all but occasional servings of grapes or cherries), raw vegetables, cold beverages, and frozen foods. I tried to be very calm and said, "I'm a little concerned that I won't really be able to eat." I tried to explain to her that one of the things I had been working on was eating a balanced diet, and that I did have some respect for the food pyramid and had been trying to follow it to some degree. I also told her that my diet was complicated by the fact that I don't eat most meats, don't eat eggs, and am kind of weird about breakfast (meaning I am not one of those people that can eat regular foods for breakfast; I can only deal with breakfast-y foods). So I started with breakfast, telling her my concern. Basically, for breakfast I usually eat one of the following: a bowl of cheerios with milk and fruit, a protein shake (made with milk, protein powder, and a little fruit), or plain yogurt with fruit. Now sometimes I branch out and have toast with peanut butter, but not often because it's actually much easier and more pleasant to take all of my Metformin with milk. So I said, "What would you suggest I eat for breakfast?" and she said oatmeal or a bowl of brown rice.

And this is where I got /really/ upset, because hello, I have insulin resistance and am also supposed to be really careful about carbs, making sure to balance carbs with protein, etc. And then she gets kind of a face and tells me that yes, I should be careful about my glycemic index and I wanted to shudder, because at least right now my sugar is not a problem, just the amount of insulin I had. But whatever. (And let's not even talk about the idea of avoiding salads, cold drinks, and frozen food IN THE SUMMER.)

So at some point she realizes I am upset and she offers me a tissue, which was probably a nice gesture but ticked me off. And then proceeds to tell me basically that I am incredibly unhealthy, that she can tell by all of the gastromic symptoms I have (of which most are caused by Metformin) and my long history of menstrual cycle problems that I am in a major health crisis and she is very concerned about me. That she needs to be honest with me that I have a very concerning body and that my pulses are very concerning and that I should be very, very worried. And that she "can see where it has all come from" because of "my difficulties with dietary change." (She also said that I should believe her over the food pyramid because the food pyramid is a tool of the dairy industry. Which is partly true - the food pyramid is fueled by the agriculture industry in general.)

Now I am the first to admit that I am weird about food, and that I am quite picky. So when she told me that what I should eat in abundance are sweet potatoes, yams, and beets, I knew it was going to go downhill fast. (Because they are all gross!) I am weird about food, and weirder about breakfast. And yes, change is difficult for me. But I don't think upping my carb intake and adding more meat to my diet right now is a good idea.

But I can't shake the feeling that she was being incredibly judgmental. I told her that I had been working hard on my eating and trying to make responsible food choices, that my wife had met with a nutritionist a while back and he had come up with healthy eating tips for both of us and that I had really busted my ass to shape up my eating. (Hello, I lost 30 lbs.) I just don't feel like she acknowledges, AT ALL, that I have any sort of health. And what she uses for the basis of her judgment is that a healthy woman should get pregnant on the first try, which /infuriates/ me because something like 8-20% of cycles end in pregnancy. But whatever. I'm not a pinnacle of health, but I don't believe I'm chronically unhealthy, either.

By the time I got to the actual acupuncture part I was so worked up that all I could do was lay there and fret about food and food choices, and also wonder whether my house had burned down or not. It was seriously one of the longest half hours of my life, and I was so ramped up. When I was there in the dark, all I could think about was that I was a bad person for eating dairy products and fruits, and that I had ruined my chances of ever getting pregnant and, more importantly, ever being a healthy person by trying to follow the food pyramid. I felt guilty for drinking cold water, for crying out loud! Who the hell feels guilty for drinking cold water?

Jen doesn't want me to go there anymore because she thinks it is making me very upset and that it is making me feel bad about myself. I'm starting to think that she's right. But then of course I think, "What if I /am/ concerningly unhealthy? What if there /is/ something terribly wrong with me?" And I get tied up in knots. Because I /feel/ healthy. I look good, I feel good, I have more energy than I used to and I don't get sick often. I started taking medication that has started to regulate my cycles and my hormones and cholesterol and stuff are in check. And I'm so confused.

This was supposed to be a relaxing enhancement to our fertility plan, but now I wish I had never gone to acupuncture.

It is a simply gorgeous day outside. It's currently 69°, the sun is shining, the sky is clear blue. It is amazing. I want to brew a big pot of iced coffee and sit on the porch for a million years, except for a few things:

1. I would have to get dressed as the porch "belongs" to The Movie Thief


2. I have no half and half


3. I'm still trying to ditch the artificial sweeteners and iced coffee makes me want to fill it with Splenda!

So I suppose I'll just have to dream about big glasses of iced coffee.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of trying acupuncture for my fertility issues. I found out that I get a 25% discount as a "wellness benefit" from my health insurance, so it's worth looking into. I found a fluffy place in Inman Square that specializes in women's health and offers a free consultation and I think I'll at least check it out.

We had a good time at the Game Night last night, although I didn't play as many games as I would have liked. I did get in a little Ticket To Ride (even though Matty whipped our butts) and won a round of Liars Dice. We taught Rick and Gretchen how to play Bohnanza and I do enjoy a little bit of bean goodness.

Carrie took my blood sugar (she's battling gestational diabetes right now) for fun after a day of eating junk and it was (I think) 116. I don't think I've ever had a blood sugar reading in the triple digits in my whole life (though I haven't checked blood sugar since starting Metformin 1.5 years ago). I'm pretty sure 116 is a normal number (and probably healthier than the 60s and 70s I used to get) but still, seeing that big number kind of freaked me out. I'm going to go back to not eating so much junk - I kind of slacked in that department. Yesterday was carb heaven - pancakes with syrup, chips, birthday cake and ice cream, chocolate, watermelon - yeah... not good.

Gosh, I am the most boring person in the whole universe. I want to hear insem updates from rockymtnhigh and bec4joy STAT.