Why our lawyer is an effing douchebag

[judecorp]

Oh my god, somebody stop me from punching our real estate lawyer in the nose. Seriously.

We're getting into crunch time with no formal numbers. I know my mortgage guy is ON it and did everything on his end on time. He calls me at noon when I'm chowing into lunch - any word? No. He says he will call her again and remind her that the Loan Processor leaves at 2. No call. He calls again with a friendly reminder. And again, reminding her that the Processor is gone now but the Office Manager is here until 5. He calls me at 5 and says, "Hey, any word?" No. But while we're commiserating, she beeps in.

He calls back. She "has had so much work to do that she hasn't even gotten to LOOK at our stuff, but she will do it right now... can he wait an hour or so?" ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? You are working a closing on Monday and you haven't looked at anything until after 5 on Friday? Are you the biggest douchebag in the history of douchebags?

So Jeff (who is a God) reluctantly agrees to wait around at the office instead of being at home helping his knocked up wife clean the house for some weekend guests. And the Office Manager reluctantly agrees to let Jeff call her on her personal cell (she left at 5). And now our house is putting two good people in a craptacular situation because our lawyer is a douchebag. And to reward her for all of this asshattery, she gets MONEY.

My god, I am livid. She will be very VERY fortunate if she does not get her eyeballs poked out with the pen with which I signed my damned housing contracts. I seriously want to walk in there on Monday and say, "Yeah, you're a douchebag and I hate you and I'm not paying you anything."

Instead I made myself feel better by spending a little extra to get us a hotel room with an indoor pool for the night before the closing. Because if I have to see her ugly-ass face, at least I can go SWIMMING.

Comments

[hope-persists.livejournal.com]

which hotel??? and what night?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

The Clarion on Sunday. Wanna go swimming? :)

[hope-persists.livejournal.com]

OMGYES.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Okay! I don't know what time we're arriving (depends on packing) but I will make sure we have swimsuits. I'll have to get towels from the hotel, though, because I packed our beachy towels already. Whoops.

There's a hot tub, too, but you and Jen would have to do that without me.

[hope-persists.livejournal.com]

no frying the baybeez! now let's hope my bathing suit from this summer doesnt fall off me!

call me when you know more :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I totally will. :)

Yay fun!

[wazroth.livejournal.com]

Oy. I hate real estate. After having been hosed on the order of many thousands of dollars it will probably be a long time before I buy again. I feel your pain. Just wait until you're in the room doing all the signatures with a fast-talking real estate lawyer pretending to explain what each line item means. And CHECK THE MATH, because my lawyer got it wrong when I bought my place and the sellers and I had to argue with the guy for 1.5 hours about how wrong he was and then when it was finally settled he wouldn't take a personal check for the difference and I had to drive forty freaking minutes to my bank to get another bank check.

Anyway.

When all's said and done, will you post some pointers on real estate purchases with a domestic partner involved? I am sure many in the community would appreciate it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thankfully our mortgage guy is a really good friend of mine whom I've known since the 7th grade, and he explains EVERYTHING, line by line, and checks and doubles checks like nobody's business. Honestly, if it wasn't for him, I would have said "Screw this house!" and changed my name or something. That SUCKS about the bank check fiasco. It's like my worst nightmare.

As for the domestic partner thing, I can't really help you with that because we're legally married here in the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts. So we bought a house like any other married couple. However, if the laws change or the country gets all ridiculous outside of the People's Republic of MA, we'll probably turn our house into an estate so that we can inherit it from each other without a "non-relative" tax.

[buddhafly4224.livejournal.com]

oooh! let me know if you want to hang out sunday.


also, i've figured out a solution for your and my problems. we shall send the barking neighborhood dog that i want to MURDER to your lawyers house and lock them in a room together. mwahaha.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

OMG, yes! Let's do that!

I wonder how many people I can invite to the hotel pool without being a nuisance. I don't know how much hanging out we'll do but we could all sit around and watch TV or something, since we're totally broke and I'm always tired from being knocked up.

[ladyoracle.livejournal.com]

Happy House Closing!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)

[steamraise.livejournal.com]

This is really none of my business, but I can't help wondering why you need a real estate lawyer at all? I've been wanting to ask this question ever since you mentioned that you had one.

Also, I agree - your attorney is a douchebag. You should point out how greatly she inconvenienced you by NOT DOING HER WORK ON TIME and ask for a reduction on her rate/hours. Is your time worth less than that of her other clients?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's just the way things are here. People get real estate lawyers. EVERYONE does. I know in other states that's not protocol, but I seriously don't know a single person here who did not use some sort of lawyer.

Yes, she is a douchebag and I'm glad I don't have to deal with her anymore. Thank goodness we had an awesome mortgage dude. :)