judecorp | Why our lawyer is an effing douchebag

Oh my god, somebody stop me from punching our real estate lawyer in the nose. Seriously.

We're getting into crunch time with no formal numbers. I know my mortgage guy is ON it and did everything on his end on time. He calls me at noon when I'm chowing into lunch - any word? No. He says he will call her again and remind her that the Loan Processor leaves at 2. No call. He calls again with a friendly reminder. And again, reminding her that the Processor is gone now but the Office Manager is here until 5. He calls me at 5 and says, "Hey, any word?" No. But while we're commiserating, she beeps in.

He calls back. She "has had so much work to do that she hasn't even gotten to LOOK at our stuff, but she will do it right now... can he wait an hour or so?" ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? You are working a closing on Monday and you haven't looked at anything until after 5 on Friday? Are you the biggest douchebag in the history of douchebags?

So Jeff (who is a God) reluctantly agrees to wait around at the office instead of being at home helping his knocked up wife clean the house for some weekend guests. And the Office Manager reluctantly agrees to let Jeff call her on her personal cell (she left at 5). And now our house is putting two good people in a craptacular situation because our lawyer is a douchebag. And to reward her for all of this asshattery, she gets MONEY.

My god, I am livid. She will be very VERY fortunate if she does not get her eyeballs poked out with the pen with which I signed my damned housing contracts. I seriously want to walk in there on Monday and say, "Yeah, you're a douchebag and I hate you and I'm not paying you anything."

Instead I made myself feel better by spending a little extra to get us a hotel room with an indoor pool for the night before the closing. Because if I have to see her ugly-ass face, at least I can go SWIMMING.