Why the internet is bad

[judecorp]

When I was about 17w pregnant, a girl online who was 19w pregnant that I was chatty with because she'd lost a twin too went to her big anatomy scan at 19w to learn that her baby had recently died. She had had a perfect amniocentesis just 3 weeks before. Talk about scary!

Then earlier this week, a girl online who is due pretty much right when I am due was having weird feelings that she described as "pressure in her bowels." She went to get checked out and learned that her cervix was totally open and her bag of water was starting to come out! So she went to the hospital where they completely confined her to bed with her head down and her feet up, hoping she can make it to some sort of viability. So basically for the last four days I have been paranoid of any sort of bodily function.

This morning I read a post from another woman who had lost a twin early on. She was in her 19th week and just delivered her stillborn son. I'm guessing incompetent cervix, but oh my god, how awful!

I know that these are rare instances but after seeing so many in such a short time I am starting to wonder how ANYONE can successfully have a baby. I guess part of me always thinks that since I already lost one baby that we are kind of a shoo-in to have the other... but those other two women I was buddying around with know otherwise.

I have never been a paranoid person but this stuff majorly scares me. I try nightly to tell myself that my body knows what to do but how would I know? It's never done this before and it's already let me down once before. So scary.

Comments

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I am so scared too. I don't think we will feel relieved until we hold our babies in our arms. I used to say ... oh, just get me to 28 weeks and she'll have a good chance to survive. I'll feel so good then. NOT! Here I am at almost 39 weeks with a baby everyone tells me is healthy and doing well but I'm still stressing. Will the cord be wrapped around her neck? Geez ... haven't felt her move in a while is she still alive in there? I hate that I have those thoughts. Really hate it!

Anytime you have a m/c or experience loss in a pregnancy it ups your "fear factor" quite a bit. Just know you're not alone and I'm praying for you and Frankie every night!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

28 weeks feels like such a dream. Heck, even 25 - viability goes up quite a bit by 25w. It's so hit and miss though - I've met 24w babies that were largely okay and then 32w babies that had a lot of continuing issues. It's such a crapshoot and that is so maddening!

I know in my heart that you and Emma are going to be just fine. You have worked so hard and come so far and IVF seems like such a distant memory. I want to be lucky just like you. And I know the odds are in my favor and these folks are the rarity. But why do there have to be so many??!?

Augh.

p.s. We say our prayers for you, Joel, and Emma every night too.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Awww... thanks for the prayers. IVF does seem like a distant memory, but unfortunately the pain of our m/c in April does not. Losing a baby is so hard at any stage. I seriously think some days this will be it for us because I don't want to go through the worry again...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I am lucky in the sense that I was never planning to have more than one child from my own womb (there's another womb in my house and also a world full of children to love) so I don't feel that pressure to be willing to have another. But I am truly envious of those folks who can have pregnancies and NOT worry. It seems like every milestone should make things easier (heck, I made it halfway!) but it only ups the investment.

*HUGS* to you.