Why the internet is bad

[judecorp]

When I was about 17w pregnant, a girl online who was 19w pregnant that I was chatty with because she'd lost a twin too went to her big anatomy scan at 19w to learn that her baby had recently died. She had had a perfect amniocentesis just 3 weeks before. Talk about scary!

Then earlier this week, a girl online who is due pretty much right when I am due was having weird feelings that she described as "pressure in her bowels." She went to get checked out and learned that her cervix was totally open and her bag of water was starting to come out! So she went to the hospital where they completely confined her to bed with her head down and her feet up, hoping she can make it to some sort of viability. So basically for the last four days I have been paranoid of any sort of bodily function.

This morning I read a post from another woman who had lost a twin early on. She was in her 19th week and just delivered her stillborn son. I'm guessing incompetent cervix, but oh my god, how awful!

I know that these are rare instances but after seeing so many in such a short time I am starting to wonder how ANYONE can successfully have a baby. I guess part of me always thinks that since I already lost one baby that we are kind of a shoo-in to have the other... but those other two women I was buddying around with know otherwise.

I have never been a paranoid person but this stuff majorly scares me. I try nightly to tell myself that my body knows what to do but how would I know? It's never done this before and it's already let me down once before. So scary.

Comments

Prayers and hope

[aliandra.livejournal.com]

I know it's been forever since I've written in your journal, (partially because I was away from LJ for a while) but I have been watching here, and loving the pics, and dear, you have the cutest pregnancy belly on the net!

And I understand the fears. Doctors told me when I was 13, 15, 18 that I'd never have a child. I had too many 'problems', and they never could tell me what. Six years ago or so I was diagnosed with PCOS too...and it all made sense.

The hope in this, is my beautiful daughter turned 12 a week ago. The child that I didn't know I was even carrying for four months, because my periods were always that wonky. The child that I had lost over 50 lbs of weight in the first trimester (again, because I didn't know she was in there growing). I carried to term, had a difficult birth, but every moment of it was worth it. Have I mentioned she's beautiful?

I used to cry at night, arms wrapped around my tummy, hoping that she'd be alright, and so worried that I had hurt her by not knowing she was there. I had the bleeding, and thought I'd had a period, and it was more likely a missed twin early on...And I was pretty sure I didn't deserve to have a child. All the doubt, and worry...try to keep it in a box.

I've loved hearing about Frankie, looking at the adorable pics. Frankie is a doll already, cute as a button, and seems to be to be quite prepared to stay warm and toasty inside of you until you evict him.

You have waves of prayers, from around the world.

Re: Prayers and hope

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I can't believe your daughter is 12 years old. Man, time flies, hunh? It's crazy how things happen.

I appreciate you popping in to write. I haven't seen you around in so long! And I thank you for sharing your story.

I have big plans for Frank to hang out past my due date. And I'm a planner, so it had better happen!