Why the internet is bad

[judecorp]

When I was about 17w pregnant, a girl online who was 19w pregnant that I was chatty with because she'd lost a twin too went to her big anatomy scan at 19w to learn that her baby had recently died. She had had a perfect amniocentesis just 3 weeks before. Talk about scary!

Then earlier this week, a girl online who is due pretty much right when I am due was having weird feelings that she described as "pressure in her bowels." She went to get checked out and learned that her cervix was totally open and her bag of water was starting to come out! So she went to the hospital where they completely confined her to bed with her head down and her feet up, hoping she can make it to some sort of viability. So basically for the last four days I have been paranoid of any sort of bodily function.

This morning I read a post from another woman who had lost a twin early on. She was in her 19th week and just delivered her stillborn son. I'm guessing incompetent cervix, but oh my god, how awful!

I know that these are rare instances but after seeing so many in such a short time I am starting to wonder how ANYONE can successfully have a baby. I guess part of me always thinks that since I already lost one baby that we are kind of a shoo-in to have the other... but those other two women I was buddying around with know otherwise.

I have never been a paranoid person but this stuff majorly scares me. I try nightly to tell myself that my body knows what to do but how would I know? It's never done this before and it's already let me down once before. So scary.

Comments

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

I know that I'm not in any position to talk since I haven't been pregnant and haven't had to deal with fertility treatments, but I am sorry that you are feeling so fearful throughout this experience. Yes, I do see how the things that have happened to you so far are good reason to be scared, but I wish somehow that there were also compelling reasons for you to have HOPE. Unfortunately, I don't know what to say that can change that.

I can only offer you a long distance hug and the hope that this gets easier for you as each week passes and you come closer to your due date with a still-healthy child. I would also gently suggest that maybe, since reading these things is disturbing you so much, it would be a good idea to stop reading these communities for a while (as you yourself seem to recognize by the title of this post)>

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It comes and goes. I mean, most of the time it's just another day and we get excited and we do our thing. (I guess that's just not as fun to write about.) But it's those unexplained, unexpected shockers that really get to you. It sort of hits home that anything can happen to anyone, you know? Especially when something already has. I'm not a fatalistic person by nature, and I do believe we have a very good chance of having a healthy baby, but I know there are possibilities. And when you are this invested in something, those possibilities are extra scary.

I could avoid the forums altogether but then would also miss the GOOD postings from people I really like. I wish all of the scary bad ones were in one spot that said "DON'T CLICK HERE!" Instead they are mixed in with other people's happy announcements, you know?