Why the internet is bad

[judecorp]

When I was about 17w pregnant, a girl online who was 19w pregnant that I was chatty with because she'd lost a twin too went to her big anatomy scan at 19w to learn that her baby had recently died. She had had a perfect amniocentesis just 3 weeks before. Talk about scary!

Then earlier this week, a girl online who is due pretty much right when I am due was having weird feelings that she described as "pressure in her bowels." She went to get checked out and learned that her cervix was totally open and her bag of water was starting to come out! So she went to the hospital where they completely confined her to bed with her head down and her feet up, hoping she can make it to some sort of viability. So basically for the last four days I have been paranoid of any sort of bodily function.

This morning I read a post from another woman who had lost a twin early on. She was in her 19th week and just delivered her stillborn son. I'm guessing incompetent cervix, but oh my god, how awful!

I know that these are rare instances but after seeing so many in such a short time I am starting to wonder how ANYONE can successfully have a baby. I guess part of me always thinks that since I already lost one baby that we are kind of a shoo-in to have the other... but those other two women I was buddying around with know otherwise.

I have never been a paranoid person but this stuff majorly scares me. I try nightly to tell myself that my body knows what to do but how would I know? It's never done this before and it's already let me down once before. So scary.

Comments

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know that worrying does nothing to actually change the outcome of anything... but I also know that being aware of your body can certainly help if something comes up. I'm not saying spend every moment analyzing every bodily function, but I would hope that most people have a general understanding of their body and know what things usually feel like. It's when things feel "weird" or "not right" that people need to trust their instincts.

We are still very happy. That hasn't changed. With every passing day we become more and more invested. And that makes it just a little bit scarier. Losing a baby and finding out at 10w was hard. Losing a baby at 20w or more? Augh.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Jude, I've never posted on your blog but I'm from the May boards and hear EXACTLY what you're saying!!! Just yesterday I saw someone's siggy list a child stillborn at 35 weeks and I was like "GAH!" and had to turn them off. I've become high-risk and limit myself to very innocuous-sounding posts, belly pics, and the Names forum. Everything else worries me too much and I'm already on bedrest due to hbp.

I try to remind myself that chances ARE, everything will be fine. I picture myself in a single-file line and being told to "go" w/o even being looked at. So many have before us.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that is awful. In your situation I would avoid all of those boards, too. Sometimes you just get sucked into it like a train wreck though!

I am holding out hope that you make it through no problem. (At 35 weeks, it was probably some sort of freak problem, right?) Both of us!