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It might be time.
Jan. 19th, 2010 10:25 pmJen and I have been talking a bit over the last week or so about the reasons we moved here - both here to Massachusetts and here to the western part of the state later on. There were things we were searching for with both moves, one a continuance of the other.
Moving back to MA was a political move, a move in anticipation of settling down and starting a family. It was a move for marriage, a move to a "village," and a move to be nearer to some family than to be in the middle of Ohio away from positively everyone either of us was related to. Our move to western MA was about family values, "finding our tribe," looking for the place to establish roots and bring up children. It was about hippie living, earthy values, and loads of queer families.
The reality is that we've not found much of what we were looking for. Sure, we're married - sort of. We have a marriage license that is not recognized by something like 45 states. We have assumed parentage in this state that has to be backed up by adoption for all the others. We have the most confusing tax returns ever, where we do a yearly dance to see who claims the home we both own or the child we both raise. And here, here we're surrounded by queer families, of whom we know very few and can't seem to break into. Here we're in the company of hippies but juuust a bit too far away.
And here we still live in a country that devalues our family, denies its legitimacy, and actively fights against its equality. We live in a country that believes that healthcare is a privilege that must be earned. We live in a country that goes against so many of our values... and our family is suffering for it.
We talked over this past week about the absence of queer couples in our lives and how that has affected us - how Jen feels less safe to be physically demonstrative in a see of straightness and how I don't have likeminded people to bounce relationship ups and downs off of. We talked about how the selfishness of the dominant culture in the US hurts my spirit and is weighing me down, how I struggle working with clients against a stream of self-absorption and lack of concern for one's neighbor. We talked about our weekends with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tea_soaked and her family, those few instances where we felt like things were good and right and healthy for us.
We revisited, for the first time in a year or more since my grandparents' health started to decline, the idea of heading to Canada and letting our family be nourished by an overarching culture that acknowledges and values our family as all families. We revisited, and it might be time.
Moving back to MA was a political move, a move in anticipation of settling down and starting a family. It was a move for marriage, a move to a "village," and a move to be nearer to some family than to be in the middle of Ohio away from positively everyone either of us was related to. Our move to western MA was about family values, "finding our tribe," looking for the place to establish roots and bring up children. It was about hippie living, earthy values, and loads of queer families.
The reality is that we've not found much of what we were looking for. Sure, we're married - sort of. We have a marriage license that is not recognized by something like 45 states. We have assumed parentage in this state that has to be backed up by adoption for all the others. We have the most confusing tax returns ever, where we do a yearly dance to see who claims the home we both own or the child we both raise. And here, here we're surrounded by queer families, of whom we know very few and can't seem to break into. Here we're in the company of hippies but juuust a bit too far away.
And here we still live in a country that devalues our family, denies its legitimacy, and actively fights against its equality. We live in a country that believes that healthcare is a privilege that must be earned. We live in a country that goes against so many of our values... and our family is suffering for it.
We talked over this past week about the absence of queer couples in our lives and how that has affected us - how Jen feels less safe to be physically demonstrative in a see of straightness and how I don't have likeminded people to bounce relationship ups and downs off of. We talked about how the selfishness of the dominant culture in the US hurts my spirit and is weighing me down, how I struggle working with clients against a stream of self-absorption and lack of concern for one's neighbor. We talked about our weekends with
tea_soaked and her family, those few instances where we felt like things were good and right and healthy for us.We revisited, for the first time in a year or more since my grandparents' health started to decline, the idea of heading to Canada and letting our family be nourished by an overarching culture that acknowledges and values our family as all families. We revisited, and it might be time.
