Hello, My Name is Chill

I'm up ridiculously early so I can go in for my blood test before a long work day. All told, it will be 7:30am when I leave the house and probably 7:30pm when I return. Not the best day to get a negative result, you know? I wish they had a policy at my doctor's office that you don't go in for a blood test unless you get a positive HPT. I'd rather just sit around and wait for my period to come than get a phone call from a bubbly nurse with bad news. But eh, I guess that's how it goes.

Now we just have to decide what to do next. We're trying to decide if we want to take a break and concentrate on some other things. Jen does not want to take a break. I don't either, not intellectually, but practically? I don't know. It's a lot, and things had finally gotten back to some sort of even-keel place and then this just got the rollercoaster going again - and if it's not the stress and drama of it all, it's all of the ingested hormones. I kind of enjoyed my life as a hormone-free person. It was very chill. Now I don't think I would know chill if he smacked me across the face wearing a foghorn beanie and a t-shirt that read, "Hello, My Name is Chill."

So why I scheduled this crazy day on top of it all is beyond me, except to say that all of this TTC stuff has meant that other things have fallen on the back burner. Silly things like getting kids' annual eligibility assessments done on time. I'm actually doing one at 5:15 tonight that should have been done three weeks ago. Gee, I hope THAT chart doesn't get audited. So I'll go get this bloodwork, then head in for my 3-hour toddler playgroup, wolf down some sort of lunch, go to a home visit in a nasty home, go to another visit way across town, come back this way to co-visit with two of my coworkers that is going to make the mother /super/ emotional, and then hit up this dreaded assessment. And have you seen our apartment? Of course not, because it is an effing disaster right now. We've spent most of our free time looking at apartments that are gross.

Like last night's - it had a lot of space but once again, disgusting stove (gah, who eats on those?) and a pervasive cigarette smell. Like, eons of baked-on smoke. Disgusting.

It's a three-day weekend coming up and I hope it's even mildly relaxing, because this week is likely going to kill me. And it's only Tuesday.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good: - My coworkers and I went to our 5:15pm assessment and at the end of it, we kind of got to chatting about baseball. (The family is big into baseball, but Mom is a Sox fan and Dad is a Yankees fan.) And then Dad hands us, seriously just hands over, 4 tickets to a Yankee game on a Saturday in July that the family can't go to because of other commitments. I said, "Are you sure you want to give these away?" and he said it was to thank us for how much time and effort we spend with his kid. Awwwh.

The Bad: - We got our negative beta today as expected. With a heads-up that if we're not successful next cycle, we'll have to come back in to "talk about what's up" and "decide what to do next." Ugh.

The Bad: - My BIL (Jen's brother) finally got around to responding to Jen's e-mail from about 1.5 months ago asking if he would consider being a donor for us. Aside from saying no (which is totally fine), he added an addendum about how he doesn't think Jen is mature enough, stable enough, or financially secure enough to consider parenting. He spent considerable time telling her how much of a challenge and commitment kids are and how he encourages her to rethink things because she is clearly not in any position to parent. (My take on this: He has issues with his family situation and is projecting his issues on Jen.) How DARE anyone assault my wife's character that way? I seriously want to call him up and yell at him for several hours. Who does that? If he had wanted to impart some kind "older brother" wisdom, I'm sure he could have thought of more appropriate words.

The Ugly: - Jen went to the doctor again this morning for this persistent series of hives/welts she keeps getting all over her body. Her doctor continues to maintain that she is having some sort of allergic reaction. But now she believes her allergy is to a bedbug infestation in our house. I am going to vomit now.

Itchy

I am SO freaking out about this bug thing, so much so that I can't stop itching and feeling like there are bugs all over me. Which of course there aren't. But still.

But I've been looking up bed bug information on the internet to try to find out what we'll need to do if in fact this IS a bed bug infestation. We supposedly will have to bag and wash (in hot water) all of our clothes and all of our linens. And then we'll have to have a pest control person come, probably several times. But what just occurred to me is that it's not safe to be pregnant around pesticides! So what the heck am I supposed to do? Should I start everything this cycle and try to get pregnant and risk complications from pesticides? The whole thing just makes me want to cry my eyes out. I don't even know what to do. I am so scared about teratogens and all of that as it is and now we're going to have someone fumigate every nook and cranny in our apartment? What the hell am I supposed to do?

I can't even deal with this. I'm supposed to be making cupcakes right now for my coworker's anniversary but all I can do is cry.

A little fun with mirrors

funhouse mirror
Originally uploaded by judecorp.

Look at how long and skinny we got after all of that walking in the rain in Provincetown! We are just the cutest giraffe-bodies ever. I love funhouse mirrors.

(Can you tell I'm avoiding going to bed? It's 11:45, people! I have to be up by 7:30!)