I am my own worst therapist.

[judecorp]

So I wonder, is "self-help" something people /really/ do, or just talk about? I mean, it's easy (and painless) to read books or inspirationals with good intentions, but hard to actually put the information into practice. I'm certainly guilty of this. I like to read self-help stuff, probably in part due to my past therapist experience, and I like to see how other people's advice can fit into my own life, but do I ever really /use/ the information? Do I ever really help myself on anything other than an intellectual level?

For example, I do a lot of thinking about my relationship with Jen. When we disagree, we do a lot of talking about the issues and what we might be able to do to fix the situation or avoid it in the future. And while I can certainly nod my head, or acknowledge that what she's saying makes a lot of sense, do I ever really change my behavior or my stance on things? Do I really put forth the effort? Or do I just go along, business as usual, either waiting for her to change or waiting for the issue to resurface? Questions, questions.

I reserved some library book today on lesbian relationships. While I don't necessarily think lesbian relationships are different from gay male relationships or heterosexual relationships, I'm curious to read what the author has to say. The social worker in me is curious about her suggestions and advice just as the sociologist in me wonders about her methods and her background. I've never read a relationship-focused book before, unless you count Couplehood by Paul Reiser - I found that at the house of one of my college boyfriends' parents. I wonder what it means that I even /want/ to, and now.

I wonder why I'm always so painstakingly analytical of my actions and thoughts.

Comments

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say that I definitely at least try to put ideas that click into practice. I've already made progress with some easy stuff like making routines so I am less apt to forget important stuff (like putting on my wedding ring and putting my cellphone into my purse - after all what good is a mobile if it's sitting at home?).

The kicker is that the things we have the hardest time taking advice on or "helping ourselves" on, are the things we need the most help on! They are our biggest problems- probably because we've gotten into bad habits or tendencies and didn't correct them until they got preposterous. Change can be hard, but small changes are almost always something a person can tackle. It's the gigantic ones that seem overwhelming, too big to manage.

I've learned a few secrets, that I haven't yet put into practice the way I'd like, but I'm working on it. Here they are:

1. It takes about a month to form a habit (from flylady)


2. If a problem, job, etc is too big, break it into bite size pieces.


3. In order to make a change in yourself you have to stay focused on it. If you think, talk and even commit to do something, but fail to follow through- it's because you didn't go through with your commitment to change it.

Of course, change is hard. I know since I've been 60 pounds over weight for almost 2 years now. I find excuses, feel bad about not changing, feel overwhelmed with starting a change, and ultimately let it slip from my focus enough that I don't do anything. It seems far easier for me to try for a cleaner house, work towards saving for retirement or work towards my degree. The sad part is that I think my weight it the biggest problem of them all, it's the one that bothers me most and hinders me most, and yet it's easier to focus on other things.

Damn. I think I'll post this in my journal. I need to take my own damn advice.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

1. The flylady totally scares me.

2. You definitely strike me as the kind of person who really wants to better herself, and who would certainly give good thought (and action) into what you read.

3. I could certainly stand to lose some weight, too, or at least get back into shape.