Calgon, take me away

[judecorp]

So the formal offer came in from Florida and it's pretty much everything Jen wanted. My prediction is that she will be out of Massachusetts in a month's time. Sucks on many levels, but I'm especially dreading finishing all of Dad's house stuff by myself.

She has to make her official decision tomorrow and let them know. If she accepts and goes, there's really no need for me to keep that infertility appointment - I wouldn't want to go through that whole arduous and emotional process alone. I've been waiting so long for this, for the possibility of this, it's just... augh.

Having to afford a second apartment down in Florida would mean there'd be no money for airfare/visits.

So far, 2006's not looking so hot, either.

Comments

[happy2beso.livejournal.com]

"friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. if i had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, i think i should say, 'sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.'"

-C.S. Lewis

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what to say about this.

[happy2beso.livejournal.com]

Just a lesson I've learned the hard way. I've spent so much time chasing my career when what really is more important to me is my friends. I should have been making sure to be close to them this whole time because good, true friends are harder to come by (in my experience) than a job.

It's really sad to me to hear you guys agonizing over if you should live separately and if Jen should move to a place she doesn't want to go just so she can make more money. You are *married*! Can't you stay together in Massachusetts or at least stay together somewhere where you have close friends to support and love you even if it means a bit less money?

[happy2beso.livejournal.com]

I just realized this might be insensitive because I'm sure you've talked through all of this so many times already. Please know that I will support you in whatever choice you make. I just want to see you both happy and content. Perhaps the best way to do that would be to move to Florida.

You could still try to get pregnant even if Jen weren't there, i'd imagine..... get a baby going and then head down south? Just an idea. ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

get a baby going and then head down south?

That sounds a lot easier than it is. I'm anovulatory, and have PCOS and all kinds of other infertility crap that will make it so that this is not an easy process, and is likely to take a long time and be emotionally difficult (and possibly very disappointing). The idea of going through all of that alone - fertility drugs, inseminations, getting hopes up, probable failed pregnancy tests, etc. etc. - is not something that I really want to go through. Nor do I want to plan and conceive a child without my wife. Would that ever be suggested to other couples?

Please don't take this like I am mad at you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I understand what the quote means, just not why it was sent to me. I agree with you, Lara - to me, a career or a paycheck or whatever isn't worth much. I'm much more content to live here and be broke and be near my family. I don't care if Jen works in retail for the rest of her life. To me, no work opportunity would ever be worth losing my civil rights, moving away from everyone I know, and cutting ties (AGAIN) to people I care about.

So I guess I was a little sad that I was already feeling that way, 100%, and then got a quote from you that pretty much was like, "Hey, this is all a big mistake and I want you to know!" when in reality I feel that it really COULD be a mistake, and not a choice I would have made if it were my situation.

It's not an "if," it's a when. Jen decided and she took the job and she will need to move well before I am in a position to leave New England, for family and responsibility reasons. To me, the money's not worth it, but to her it is. Not much I can do about it but follow along when I'm able. And hey, then we won't be married anymore, so it won't even matter.

Re: Please don't take this like I am mad at you.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry.... it wasn't to make you sad. It was to say I agree with you 100% and you're not alone in feeling like some things are more important than career/money.

I don't think you're mad at me... and maybe I should have sent it to Jen, but I don't know Jen that well and I love you dearly and hate seeing you hurt. I think you deserve and should be with your partner and the woman you love...

I'll be hoping that something really good and surprising comes of this.


Also... I understand that the process to have a baby will not be easy, but I suppose I would/could make the same suggestion to another couple that was using donor sperm and IVF. It's not about you and Jen both being women, it's about the method you are thinking about for your specific situation. Which I suppose is closely linked to you both being women, but I really do think the same situation can and is found in heterosexual couples as well.