Why the internet is bad

[judecorp]

When I was about 17w pregnant, a girl online who was 19w pregnant that I was chatty with because she'd lost a twin too went to her big anatomy scan at 19w to learn that her baby had recently died. She had had a perfect amniocentesis just 3 weeks before. Talk about scary!

Then earlier this week, a girl online who is due pretty much right when I am due was having weird feelings that she described as "pressure in her bowels." She went to get checked out and learned that her cervix was totally open and her bag of water was starting to come out! So she went to the hospital where they completely confined her to bed with her head down and her feet up, hoping she can make it to some sort of viability. So basically for the last four days I have been paranoid of any sort of bodily function.

This morning I read a post from another woman who had lost a twin early on. She was in her 19th week and just delivered her stillborn son. I'm guessing incompetent cervix, but oh my god, how awful!

I know that these are rare instances but after seeing so many in such a short time I am starting to wonder how ANYONE can successfully have a baby. I guess part of me always thinks that since I already lost one baby that we are kind of a shoo-in to have the other... but those other two women I was buddying around with know otherwise.

I have never been a paranoid person but this stuff majorly scares me. I try nightly to tell myself that my body knows what to do but how would I know? It's never done this before and it's already let me down once before. So scary.

Comments

[aminahfiddler.livejournal.com]

Ok. What about the women who had her baby at 20 weeks and taking her home soon?

What about the women that have "litters". What about the wonderful announcements that we were reading about on the list?

Just trying to point out the positives. I can understand how you feel and I think I would be a bit paranoid too but don't let it take over.

[artemis44.livejournal.com]

I don't really have anything useful to say, since you already know all the "relax, trust your body, etc" stuff, but I just wanted to send you some ((((((hugs))))))

Perhaps some distraction is in order?

re: how ANYONE can successfully have a baby.

[etherial.livejournal.com]

*hug* I don't know either, but after Frankie's born, give me some tips, ok?

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

I am so scared too. I don't think we will feel relieved until we hold our babies in our arms. I used to say ... oh, just get me to 28 weeks and she'll have a good chance to survive. I'll feel so good then. NOT! Here I am at almost 39 weeks with a baby everyone tells me is healthy and doing well but I'm still stressing. Will the cord be wrapped around her neck? Geez ... haven't felt her move in a while is she still alive in there? I hate that I have those thoughts. Really hate it!

Anytime you have a m/c or experience loss in a pregnancy it ups your "fear factor" quite a bit. Just know you're not alone and I'm praying for you and Frankie every night!

Prayers and hope

[aliandra.livejournal.com]

I know it's been forever since I've written in your journal, (partially because I was away from LJ for a while) but I have been watching here, and loving the pics, and dear, you have the cutest pregnancy belly on the net!

And I understand the fears. Doctors told me when I was 13, 15, 18 that I'd never have a child. I had too many 'problems', and they never could tell me what. Six years ago or so I was diagnosed with PCOS too...and it all made sense.

The hope in this, is my beautiful daughter turned 12 a week ago. The child that I didn't know I was even carrying for four months, because my periods were always that wonky. The child that I had lost over 50 lbs of weight in the first trimester (again, because I didn't know she was in there growing). I carried to term, had a difficult birth, but every moment of it was worth it. Have I mentioned she's beautiful?

I used to cry at night, arms wrapped around my tummy, hoping that she'd be alright, and so worried that I had hurt her by not knowing she was there. I had the bleeding, and thought I'd had a period, and it was more likely a missed twin early on...And I was pretty sure I didn't deserve to have a child. All the doubt, and worry...try to keep it in a box.

I've loved hearing about Frankie, looking at the adorable pics. Frankie is a doll already, cute as a button, and seems to be to be quite prepared to stay warm and toasty inside of you until you evict him.

You have waves of prayers, from around the world.

[realsupergirl.livejournal.com]

It is scary. I am praying and hoping for everything to turn out fine. I guess that's why they call it the "miracle of birth" - because it's a miracle when it turns out OK. Even with all our technology we can't get it right all the time.

But you're being followed by doctors, and you're taking care of yourself, and that's all you can do. Keep thinking positively as much as you can - I really believe it can help.

[somerandomchic.livejournal.com]

God how I know that "how does anyone ever have a healthy baby" feeling! I wonder how in heck anyone ever just gets pregnant! It's hard to offer any solace that doesn't feel fake, but just know that we are all pulling for you and your little one.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

I know that I'm not in any position to talk since I haven't been pregnant and haven't had to deal with fertility treatments, but I am sorry that you are feeling so fearful throughout this experience. Yes, I do see how the things that have happened to you so far are good reason to be scared, but I wish somehow that there were also compelling reasons for you to have HOPE. Unfortunately, I don't know what to say that can change that.

I can only offer you a long distance hug and the hope that this gets easier for you as each week passes and you come closer to your due date with a still-healthy child. I would also gently suggest that maybe, since reading these things is disturbing you so much, it would be a good idea to stop reading these communities for a while (as you yourself seem to recognize by the title of this post)>

[mayna.livejournal.com]

I always worry before about 20 weeks... I guess that big ultrasound helps me a lot to see that the baby's OK. My midwife said she has never had any mom lose a baby after hearing the heartbeat. These things happen but for most people they don't (heck I'm on preg #3... never had a miscarriage either and those are really common!)

[kcmedc.livejournal.com]

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Baby number one concieved on March 19th born on her due date December 8th. Healthy 7lb 2oz 19inches long

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Baby number three concived on Feburary 17th arrived five days early on his mama's birthday November 3rd. 7lbs 12oz 20 inches long.

Three perfect examples of how everything can go right. Hugs to you I know it's scary at times. Chris absolutely forbid me from watching Maternity Ward on TLC while I was preggers with CJ. Hang in there you're almost half way home.

We now return you to our regulary scheduled program.

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I can only imagine, and I think I'll feel a lot the same. Know that I'm praying for you every day at some point!

[mermil.livejournal.com]

I guess worry is part of the game, and when you had such a rough time early on, I can't blame you for being extra worried. What sucks is we all know worrying does nothing to actually help or hinder the outcome of events, yet none of us can stop doing it! Pregnancy forces you to acknowledge just how complex the human body is, and DAMN, that's really scary.

All I can say is, don't let the worry stomp all over your happiness. I keep on telling myself that it's not actually a crime to feel optimistic about this kid, and I hate that I have to feel like it's somehow a copout for me to feel good about this once in a while, instead of my standard-gripped-with-worry-and-uncertainty schtick. If you can, maybe you can drag yourself out of that trap, too.