A little belly comparison

18w with pajamas vs. 19w with clothes

( Bring it on! )

E-mail from Mom

So my mom is always like, "When are you going to send ultrasound pictures?" and on and on. She starts calling the first day I get home. I actually almost feel guilty that I don't scan them in that day or whatever, the way she goes on about it.

So today I actually sent her all of the pictures and added the most recently belly picture. You know, she's far away, maybe it would make her feel like a part of things.

I got an e-mail back. It said:

Hey, thanks. How are you feeling?

Yeah, thanks Mom. Maybe I should just keep my business on the internet. Y'all are way more excited about stuff.

Radio Silence

A lot of really emotional things have been going on here in the past couple of months, culminating in a really difficult couple of weeks where I honestly thought that if it were possible to kill the baby by crying all the time, I would have.

I wish I felt like my journal was a safe place to air some of these difficulties, but the sad truth is that it's not. Things are starting to pick up a little bit and I'm pleased about that, hoping this was just one of those steep hills in the peaks and valleys of life.

A lot of the time I still feel really sad about the baby I lost. I almost said "lost in December" but by dates s/he died on Thanksgiving, possibly even just as I was showing my scan pictures to my grandparents for the first time. I'm even hesitating putting THAT out there, because honestly if one more person tells me "to be happy for the baby I still have" or about how it will be so much easier now that we're not having twins, I will lose it.

I just really miss my baby.

Because I have so many blessings...

I was rear-ended on the way home.
No, not badly.
My brand new car has scratches on it.
I doubt it's enough damage to even fix.
But gah, can this stop now, please?