Weepy

[judecorp]

I really need to stop shooting myself in the gut with hormones. For real. I am so weepy!

This morning, I got weepy at (no lie) the final episode of Real World: Key West. And then I got weepy while watching a back episode of Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime where this one girl (Ashley) gets weepy talking about how self-conscious she is and how much she loves her friends. And I also got weepy at some e-mails I've been getting. And the cheesiest songs on the radio will set me off also. And a friend wrote on LJ about his visit to Auschwitz and I was a total mess.

I know that injects are less crazy-provoking than Clomid (thank goodness), and I don't have that "I am not in control of my life" feeling I had going on with Clomid... just general weepiness. I'm sure it's a combination of the hormones and the pressure of the process, but still... annoying.

Maybe I should stop with the Metformin and let my testosterone go back up so I can go back to being the strong boy that everyone liked. Word.

Comments

[tea-soaked.livejournal.com]

Hormones are funny.

I took clomid once - it did nothing for me at all in terms of fertility - but I did feel like shit when I was on it. I was headachey and pissy and forgetful. The puregon works for me in terms of fertility but doesn't make me feel all pissy. Although I've never been on 100 units. 50 the first time. 75 the second time.

Hang in there.

We are making eggs!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I am hanging in. The dreaded e-mail exchange did little to help the weepiness but I have just had this general heaviness going on beneath my eyelids and it doesn't take much to let it go. I told my coworkers at Movie Club last night that I cried at the Real World and my officemate, a Real World fan, nearly fell off her chair but then kindly asked if I'd at least watched the whole season and had some investment in the characters. Snort!

I think the weepiness is not really about the FSH itself but about estrogen. So hopefully it means I am growing some exciting-looking eggs in there and my estrogen is popping up.

The first two times I took Clomid, I had one mature follicle and one semi-mature each time, a couple of days earlier than I would have O'd on my own. The third time, it didn't do anything and I had my same old O around CD23, and they cancelled my IUI. I was devastated. And I hate Clomid, although it is a blessing for a lot of people.

Last time I took Follistim, I took 75 units for the first 7 days, then 125 units for 3 days. I'm hoping that they will up it sooner because I would like to have more follicles. (Last month I had 2.) If I have another BFN cycle, I am going to ask to start up a little higher and maybe get some more targets in there for our last chance.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

I still like you, regardless if you are weepy.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Awwh, yay! I like you!

Yeah, I don't really MIND being weepy, it's just weird. I mean, I was never really much of a crier, and now I'm getting misty at the frickin' REAL WORLD. ;)

[lickingtoad.livejournal.com]

I, too, take magic chemicals that stabilize my brain and /also/ make me feel like I'm gonna cry. All. the. time. Very strange side effect.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

How strange, in stabilizing your brain you are extra weepy? For me, extra weepy would be less stable... although perhaps some would argue that genderqueerness is not stability. Who knows?

We can cry together!

[snack.livejournal.com]

i feel some sort of your sentiment. i was on BC pills for 5+ pills to NOT have a cycle - because of endometriosis. so no hormone flux. i came off them because we were talking seriously about wanting to do the baby thing within a year or two.

OH MY GOD> i forgot hormones were SO TOTALLY CONTROLLING of so much of my emotions!! suddenly, i have complete range of emotion - and i didn't realize i was missing any!

bizarre feeling to realize those little chemicals can do so much. i can't imagine if you're dosing up even stronger on them ... i'd be buying caseloads of kleenex. have you noticed increased irritability at times too? (i get all shades of irritated/pissy from time to time - over stuff that wouldn't normally bother me. i can only guess it's hormones, but not necessarily "PMS")

*love*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have noticed a whole gamut of emotions at all different times in the cycle. It has been fascinating to do this little experiment if only for a little peek into "how the other half lives." I did not get a cycle for 3 years thanks to PCOS and testosterone... and before that would cycle very randomly and rarely. I was an incredibly even-keel person, the Buddha would have been proud. ;)

Now I notice that there are times in my cycle when the smallest things will become big things, and I just get angry very easily. I don't particularly like it. I tried taking BCPs for a little while in my late teens/early 20s because a doctor told me it was good to regulate my cycle. I took three different kinds of those triphasic pills and they all gave me anger issues... so I guess that's where my emotions go.

Isn't weird how some random chemicals can change your perceptions about ANYTHING? Even trash tv?

p.s. Has anyone ever suggested laparoscopic surgery for your endometriosis?

[snack.livejournal.com]

nods - i did the surgery when i was 21. doc said it shouldn't grow back. a year after the surgery i was still in pain. so i started taking the pills straight through to skip the period on my own. a new doc agreed with my decision. so i took them straight through on and off, having an occassional period. pain. after a while i just never stopped taking them.

the periods weren't that bad once i came off. my cycles are crazy weird now though. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Ugh, what a pain (literally). Does not having cycles mess with you in any way? :)