Judecorp.

Dear Insomnia,

You are no friend of mine. I am tired of being wide awake for 1-2 hours between 3 and 5 a.m. It's boring and Jen is sleeping and the cats are sleeping and the baby is sleeping and I just lay there. Sucks.

No love,
me

~//~

Dear Progesterone,

You sure make some interesting dreams. This morning I am especially thankful for the dream where there was a four-alarm fire down the street from my house... and the part where the city came and cut down all of the trees on my property.

Yesterday's was the REAL winner, though, because it was my first "Bad Mama" dream. I don't know how it is at all helpful to dream about losing one's newborn baby for several days, but hey, better in a dream, right?

Amused,
me

~//~

Dear BLT,

You are so delicious. I know that you have almost no nutritional value but I cannot resist you.

Much love,
me

Ugh. Nothing like a nightmare to point out your flaws.

I had a terrible dream this morning that for whatever reason I was in this really fundamental church (no, that wasn't the nightmare) that has popped up in my dreams before. And then Jen joined me there and we were watching a movie. I can't remember which movie now, but it had a "message." So then the movie ends and we decide to head out of there (actually, I think this was a decent part of the dream because I think we were walking on the "grounds" of the church and started kissing and decided to, erm, head home). So we walk around to the front and even though this church has these GORGEOUS grounds in the back, the front is apparent that the church is in a really really bad neighborhood.

So we walk to the car and I realize that someone has pulled our gas door off. And then I realize that the whole car has been vandalized!!! The mirrors are broken off, the door panels are all trashed, etc. And I freak out right there on the street, in the middle of this bad neighborhood... and during my freak-out some big guy opens my back door and for whatever reason I totally sass at him and then he throws a handful of guns into the backseat of my car! I woke up with my heart in my throat and was too hyped up to really go back to sleep (that and I had to pee really badly).

Nothing like a little dream to remind me that I'm a) naive and b) a little materialistic.

I was stupidly excited this morning because my temperature went up again. I know it's not totally unusual, and really, my temps this cycle have been a lot lower than what's normal for me, but it's still exciting - so exciting that I had a hard time dropping back off to sleep after temping. I'm sure I'll be feeling that later because the more times/night that I wake up, the crappier sleep I get. At least I didn't have any cancer dreams. I think I had one about getting a pelvic exam, though, but it's hazy.

I thought it was supposed to be hot today but it looks like the same grey, cold crap we've had for a while now. So disappointing. I'm going to wear my summery clothes anyway and just freeze, dang it! (Maybe I will have to bring *gasp* as sweatshirt!)

Jen and I got into a stupid disagreement this morning that I wish wouldn't have happened but at the same time I'm also glad I said something and stuck up for myself. So many times I just try to ignore things that bother me so I don't rock the boat, but then I end up rocking my own boat anyway, so whatever. It still sucks, though.

I have a long day today - Coworker Sarah (not to be confused with Former Coworker Sarah) and I are throwing a surprise goodbye party for Coworker Nicole who is moving to NY at the end of the month. Sarah and I were totally ticked that work didn't arrange something special for Nicole even though she's done a LOT for the agency, so we took matters into our own hands. It was her birthday yesterday, too, so I must first procure a cake with lots of frosting. But really - how can my agency not throw her a party? They sort of tacked her on the backside of Gina's going-away party over a /month/ ago, and that is just not okay. I'm glad Sarah and I set something up, and I hope she's totally surprised. (She thinks she's going on an assessment with me.)

Here's hoping I make it to 8:00. Big Brother tonight, whee!

I had a crazy intense dream early this morning that I was in the 2ww and I just found out I had endometrial cancer. It was so gutwrenching to be trying to decide (in my dream) what we would do if we found out we were pregnant. Scary city.

I'm sure this comes from the fact that I have a bump on my cervix. I know that most bumps on your cervix are cysts and are not a big deal, but of course I am worried. I don't want to go to the doctor to get it checked out right now because I don't want anything to mess up our 2ww and because my RE's office said that the nurse that did our IUIs didn't say anything to me or on the report about anything suspicious. But if we aren't pregnant this cycle I think I will go get it checked out so they can tell me it's all fine.

I got a million hours of sleep last night (okay, about 8) and damn, it felt good except for the dreamage.

Yesterday morning I dreamt that Jen ate my leftover piece of ice box cake because she was "trying to help me out by getting rid of the junk food in the house." Holy poo, I woke up so mad at her! ;)

This morning I dreamt that I took a HPT and it was very, very positive. And then I woke up and it was negative instead. :(

Oh well, not a good week for morning dreams, I guess.

As for this cycle, I'm not calling it over until the blood test on Friday but let's just say I would not at all be surprised if we ended up trying again next cycle. I'm not trying to be all Negative Nancy, I'm just sayin'.

Have a good Hump Day, kids! Another long day today for me. (Yesterday was a spontaneous long day because I volunteered to help out with a 5:30 assessment. But then I got Coworker Amanda to come over and eat chinese take-out with me. WHOO!)

Had another bizarro dream this morning. In this one, we were getting ready to go to Easter dinner at my uncle's, but for some reason we were staying at my grandparents' house. Which was also some sort of a school. Like, a dorm. And so we were trying to come up with activities for these pre-teen girls and one of them told me she had a contagious kidney infection. And then there was a huge snowstorm and Jen was driving my dad's plow truck. And for some reason Wiley and Jenn needed us to take care of their kids (yes, kids - there was Hannah and then a 6-month old baby boy) for the weekend (no clue where they were going) and my big concern was whether or not I could fit two car seats and folkyboy in the backseat! (He's coming to Easter dinner with us, you see.)

This is sheer insanity. I don't usually have dreams that I remember, probably because I don't usually drift in and out of sleep. But the last couple of mornings, after I wake up around 6 I've been trying to catch a few extra minutes until Jen's out of the shower. All I've succeeded in doing is making weird dreams!

Watch out, Wiley and Jenn, you might be expecting another baby! :)

I had to get up early (7:00, stop laughing) today because my work is having a pancake breakfast for the staff and I do loves me some pancakes. The breakfast is from 8:00-9:00, but since Jen's normal shower time is 7:20 I had to get in there first. By 7:20 my internal alarm has already gone off and I am awake. At 7:00, that is not the case.

The alarm startled me awake in the middle of a dream wherein my smurfbrother was maliciously dumping applesauce out on my bed, in the sheets.

You can imagine what sort of mood I woke up in. I hope pancakes fix everything.