Shower!

[judecorp]

I took a shower today. It's a beautiful thing and I feel like a human today. I hadn't showered since the whole bleeding thing because I was scared to stand up too long, but it was fine.

It's weird to live life in fear, because that's not my way. But I am so paranoid that I have either lost my baby already or are going to shortly. It's really all I can think about. Tuesday cannot come soon enough so I can know one way or another.

Comments

[changinglight.livejournal.com]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Breathe deeply.

And remember that you're not alone in this.

My best thoughts are with you and your family.

[keelamonster.livejournal.com]

I know I never went through ANYTHING as scary as you have with your pregnancy, but there was a night when I was driving home to my house from Noah's (he lives about 40 miles from me). We had just had dinner and he had watched my dog for me over the weekend. I was about 16 weeks along or so,and I had an OB appointment the next Tuesday.

As I was driving home, I had the most severe, most frightening pain in my lower belly that I'd ever had in my life. I thought someone was tearing me in two. It was so painful and sudden that I pulled my car over and sat on the side of the road panting and crying for about 15 minutes.

Laura, the one who was going to all the doctor's appointments with me, and so was one of my other girlfriends. I didn't know what to do, so I just managed to get home and I laid on my bed for a good hour. The pain eased off and at some point, Noah called to make sure I'd gotten home okay. When I answered the phone, he could tell I was crying and asked me why. I told him what happened and he sort of sounded surprised and when i told him I was fine, it was gone now, he just didn't know what to do. We'd just started talking again (he and I didn't talk for a while after I told him I was pregnant), and he wasn't sure about this whole pregnancy thing (and frankly, I think he was still sort of secretly hoping something would happen and the pregnancy wouldn't be carried to term).

Anyway, he told me to call him if it came back and maybe to call 911. I lay there on the bed, so afraid it'd come back, afraid that something had happened, afraid that I'd done something wrong, afraid that something would send me to the ER when my major support source was gone out of town and there was no way for her to get back to be with me. And as good as Noah and I are now, I did NOT want him to be the only one with me in the hospital if that happened.

The pain didn't come back and after about 5 hours of lying there, terrified, I finally got up and took a shower. The mere act of getting up and of doing something so mundane and so normal made me start to feel normal again after so long of being in fear, which is not my way either.

I'm not sure what my point is so much as a) you have a wonderful and amazing woman who is there next to you to give you the love and support and help you need (even if it's just doing the dishes and snuggling you when you feel alone) and that b) sometimes the best thing you can do is to start to take little steps to feel like a normal human so that you're not just cowering in fear all the time.

You are a brave, beautiful, strong woman, and you're going to do great. No matter what this world and this pregnancy throw at you.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/cats/cats.htm

Two links I thought you might enjoy. xoxo.

[ntiva.livejournal.com]

Showers are truly amazing things. I know how great that feeling is to feel human again.

I want you to know you've been in my constant thoughts and prayers. I know how hard it is to wait for the news you are waiting for. Tuesday is almost here.

[tea-soaked.livejournal.com]

I know what it feels like to be scared to stand up. I get it, my friend. Hang in there.

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[bec4joy.livejournal.com]

Hey Jude,

I cant imagine what you and jen are going through. My thoughts are with you. When Joy told me about that I was just so dumb founded. But, hang in there, and Let us know how it goes.

Good Luck. And try to keep positive thoughts =)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jude & Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

hugs

[(Anonymous)]

Kim from Fertility friend here checking in to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your twin. I can't say anything more that doesn't sound trite, so I'll just say love each other through it.

[mellybabe.livejournal.com]

you dont know me but im a friend of rainbow_slinkys,& read your LJ time to time..id be honored to be added as a friend,& would like to add you..im thinking of you,praying for you,& sending TONS of good vibes your way..ive been there twice,just not with twins..you hang in there,ok?..lots of us are rooting for you & the wee one..youll be on my mind alot on tuesday,& ill light a candle..good luck,*huuuuuuge hugs*

[girlonthewire.livejournal.com]

i haven't stopped thinking about you since reading your sad news. i just wanted you to know that. (I'm from july2007babies.)

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Hi. I found you from your sig link on FF. I suffered through 2 very early miscarriages (neither made it to a heartbeat) before carrying my daughter Lillian to term; it's not comparable, nothing is, each person's pain stands alone. But I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and if it's OK I'll light a candle for Baby B tonight. I could go on about "blah blah vanishing twins are common" this and "chances are excellent" that but really, it doesn't mean a damn thing; all that matters is what's going to happen here, now, with this baby. So best of love and luck and light to you, and I hope things go well.

[rachelmichellek.livejournal.com]

gosh-- again, i miss a few days on LJ, and major news from you. i'm so sorry you're facing another hurdle. try to stay calm until your appointment on tuesday. play calm music and sit around with a cat.
i'll be thinking of you.