Judecorp.

The weather was amazing today and although a lot of it was wasted running errands and cleaning inside, we did get to spend some time outside doing some yard work. Punk ran around the back yard while I raked and Jen used the leaf blower, and she climbed in leaf piles and had a general good time. Last summer I found a little plastic slide on the side of the road on the way home from a friend's place and it is getting good use right now, which is awesome because it was free! When things settle down I want to get some outside play equipment for Punk but for now she thinks that little free slide is the bee's knees.

The down side to the yard work is that after we came in, I was reading with Punk and pulled a little tick off my neck. GROSSSSSSSS. I wasn't expecting it at all because it is super early for ticks (hello, it's not even April!) and of course I am all paranoid now and will be on the lookout for bullseye rashes. Good times.

I also cleaned out the pantry to see what we have and it looks like we have quite a bit of canned tuna and some fun things like a vegetarian sloppy joe mix. Not the classiest food but we're set for a while. We also got some of those bags of frozen chicken breasts last week because they were buy one get one free. Sweet.

I didn't write much about it before because everything was all hush hush about the job, but ever since I gave my notice on the 17th, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what God is trying to teach me with this experience. As a social worker, I have never been in a situation to take a job for the money and this was my first real taste of that. I knew it was a bad situation but I let the promise of a bigger salary and more time off lure me in, and I have learned my lesson. I didn't go into social work to get rich, so I guess I should start acting like it.

I guess I will soon have a lot of time on my hands to get my house in order. Spring cleaning and all of that. I suppose that's good, except for the paycheck part. I wonder if they are going to buy out the rest of my time. That would be nice. A girl can dream.

I am going to send Punk to day care for the most part and just try to get things in order. I want to finally hang the blinds in the spare bedroom and the dining room. (We have them, they are just not up.) I want to really scrub the floors and vacuum the carpets. I want to clean up the yard. We were going to use our tax refund to get a bunch of stuff done in the yard (sod, seed, whatever it takes, and clean up the landscaping) but who knows if that is going to be able to happen. I suppose it depends how quickly I get a job. I know I /will/ get a job, even though the pessimistic, fatalistic part of myself says that I will never get a job again. I am not going to let this job ruin me.

I am saddest about not being able to transition out my clients. Most of them know I am leaving, because I started telling them when I gave notice. But there are a couple I haven't seen in person (and therefore haven't told). Who knows what they are going to think? Who knows what they are going to be told? Sigh sigh sigh.

I need to take a little inventory about what foods we have in the house because I'm guessing it would not be a bad idea to stretch out the groceries a bit. Maybe we'll be eating some creative meals. We'll have to chill on the eating out. Thankfully I already have a good amount of a spring wardrobe for Punk (and some summer).

We refinanced our house yesterday. Not much different, but a little lower. Every little bit helps, you know? Thank goodness we closed on the refi yesterday, because it meant that the mortgage company did my employment verification on Thursday. Thank goodness. And I had to close our home equity line with the old mortgage company, and they had a $200 Visa gift card buyout. Thank goodness for that, too. And extra thanks to my mortgage guy who not only did some yard clean up with us yesterday (ILY, Jeff!) but also gave us a BRU gift card as a thank you. That will buy us some day care diapers, which is good.

Time to tighten the purse strings and hope for a decent job with a decent salary soon.

Here is a bit of what is going on around here:

1. In the next handful of days, my uncle is going in for surgery on his very broken leg, my grandfather is having hernia surgery, and my grandmother is going in to have surgery on her colon and may or may not end up with an -ostomy bag. Since we are a very small family, that doesn't leave too many healthy people to help out.

2. My job just had representatives from the state Department of Public Health spend the last several days doing "focused monitoring" wherein they pored over charts, interviewed all staff, and called parents. They managed to reach and interview 6 parents. 3 of them are MY parents. I only have 7 cases. How is this possible? (Thankfully I am awesome.)

3. We are finally - FINALLY - swaddle-free in 2009. It's like a campaign slogan.

4. I am taking a bit of an internet hiatus, especially with respect to mama boards. I just don't have the energy or the drive right now. I'm trying to "unplug" a bit, and have been enjoying reading the Twilight books in bed.

5. One of my clients gave me some of her daughter's hand-me-downs. I'm sure I'm technically not supposed to take them, but she was going to toss them if I didn't, and umm, they're cute as heck. Even the CROCS.

6. Did I mention that 3 of my family members are having surgery over the next few days? Urg.

7. My house is a disaster, yet I will probably sit in bed and read more vampire trash.

~//~

My grandfather's hernia surgery is Friday morning. He doesn't want my grandmother to be alone because she has been very weak ever since her stay in the hospital. (It's really frightening how quickly she declined.) So rather than get up at 5 to drive to Rhode Island, I will be sleeping over tomorrow night. So tomorrow's schedule is 1) work 10 hours, 2) play with kid, 3) put kid to bed, 4) pack, 5) drive to RI. I am tired already just thinking about it. I don't know how long I will be staying since I don't know how my grandfather will be feeling when he gets home. But I need to be back for Friday bedtime. Rush rush rush.

The only family I have in New England are my grandparents, who are both not well, my uncle, who has a majorly broken leg, my aunt, and my cousin, who has disappeared after stealing his father's credit card. It's going to get very hard to help everyone out, especially when we all live in different places. I love having a small family for the close-knit factor, but it's a real drag when something like this happens.

I had five visits scheduled today. With the exception of one, all of them are regularly occurring, same day and time, week after week. Out of five visits, I completed one. The first one. #2 was cancelled, #3 was a no-show, #4 was cancelled, and #5 was answered by the dad to tell me that the mom and the kid were out shopping. GREAT. I scrambled for a lot of the day to tag along on visits with other people to salvage some of my productivity. But I hate doing sneak-attacks on parents just to help my billing.

I then found out, completely by accident, that I am running the intakes/evaluations tomorrow. Usually this is done by the intake coordinator (lots of paperwork) but she is apparently otherwise occupied tomorrow. I found this out by looking at the intake/eval schedule book. Like, where her initials usually are, mine were in their place. Maybe would have been nice to know... on top of that, the physical therapist will not be attending the first evaluation. Which means I'll be doing the intake coordinator's job, the physical therapist's job, oh, and hopefully mine, too.

I also took Punk to the pediatrician at 7pm tonight. (They are open late on Mondays.) She just hasn't been quite right since she had her puke fest last Monday and needed a once-over. He thinks what I think - that her digestive system is still a little tender from being sick, and has also re-aggravated the reflux, and to ride it out. She also tripped over something in the exam room and thwacked her head on the bench. Ugh. Between that and being tired because 7pm is bedtime, oh, the screams.

We got home around 7:40 and I got her all into bed and asleep by 8pm. Now we'll see what the later bedtime means. Her sleep has been exceptionally crap lately and I fear that she will wake up as early as she has been (before 6) even with the later bedtime and thus be exhausted.

I feel really invisible at home, like I'm just a series of functions instead of an actual person with feelings and dreams and needs. And that I'm just set up for failure all the time. Before I went to the pediatrician, I told Jen I would pick up her prescription from the pharmacy but she said she didn't need it until tomorrow. I said I wouldn't be able to get it tomorrow. And then I got home and she asked if I had gone to get the prescription since I wouldn't be able to get it tomorrow. But of course I didn't pick it up when I was told not to - and now I feel like a giant heel for not getting it. And all of the million other things I never do right, or at the right time, or in the right way, or whatever.

Basically, I'm just a gigantic failure of a person at home all the way around. Tomorrow after what hopefully will not be a work day of epic fail, I will pick up Ms. Punkin Pie from child care and bring her home and do the evening without Jen, who will be working. Hopefully that will work out because at the very least, Punk tends to think I'm pretty freaking cool and do okay.

This is giving me the giggles.

I stumbled across a story about how Barack Obama has a paternal aunt who is living illegally in the US in public housing in Boston. And there is a photo of where she was living. Here is the photo.

What's funny is that I used to see a family in that very same building in the D Street projects for YEARS. One of my first EI cases in Boston was in this building with a family I loooooooved, and I saw that child from 2004 until she turned 3, and her younger brother until I left the agency and moved. I used to sit in the courtyard of that building and wait for them, or hang out with the family, all the time. Week after week. For years.

How funny to see that front door again in presidential "news."

(And people at work wonder why I look tired all the time.)

1:00am - Punk wakes up crying; get her and bring her to bed.
4:45am - Punk wakes up crying; try to get her back to sleep.
5:00am - Unsuccessful; give Punk a bottle of milk and put her back to sleep.
6:00am - Jen's alarm goes off; try to keep Punk asleep.
6:45am - Punk wakes up; help get her ready.
6:55am - Kiss Punk goodbye; shower.
7:30am - Leave for work.
8:00am - Arrive at work.

(This involves things like: do paperwork, drive to people's houses, have appointments, come back and do more paperwork, get stood up by supervisee, etc. Billable hours today: 5.)

5:15pm - Leave last appointment.
5:50pm - Arrive home; relieve babysitter; continue Punk dinner.
6:05pm - Watch in horror as child puts plate of mandarin oranges on head.
6:15pm - Clean up Punk dinner.
6:20pm - Finally go to bathroom; run bath for child I wasn't planning to bathe.
6:30pm - Bathe Punk.
6:45pm - Dry Punk; pajama Punk; story Punk; offer milk.
7:00pm - Begin rocking Punk.
7:20pm - Punk asleep; place in crib; pray.
7:25pm - Put away work things; clean up Punk's toys; empty day care bag.
7:35pm - Get diapers from dryer; put wash in dryer.
7:45pm - Pick up bath toys; put dirty diapers in diaper pail; wash hands.
8:00pm - Sit down to eat dinner.

Still to come: get wash out of dryer; fold clothes; pay bills online; balance checkbook; pack day care bag for tomorrow; get ready for bed; aim for 10-10:30pm bedtime.

It starts again around 1am.

I just got a call from a coworker saying that my boss (we've kind of been skirting around the issue) has outlawed flip-flops.

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh, sucks. Flip-flops, while tacky and unprofessional, are a huge part of what I wear in the summer when I'm going to families' homes because they are very easy to slip on and off. (Even if families tell me I don't have to, I always take my shoes off when I enter out of respect and because I'm used to working with a lot of Vietnamese and Muslim families.) All the other shoes I have are lace-up shoes.

I hate them, but I might have to break down and buy a pair of fake crocs or something. Bleh. They are so yucky but I don't want to buy expensive or nice shoes for work.

Crocs = I don't care if they are comfortable, you look like a dumbass. Yuck.

So my agency, the one I just started working for, just merged with another, bigger agency. Well, technically it hasn't happened yet (July 1), but it's a done deal. Today I had to sit through 2.5 hours of merge/benefits information and fill out all of the same new hire forms I filled out a month ago. Good times, good times.

I was hired under the auspices of getting 15 days PTO this year. That's not so great, considering I was pretty spoiled at my last gig with the four weeks of vacation time, a ridiculous amount of sick time, and something obscene like 13 holidays. So going down to 15 days and 12 holidays was a cut, but hey, doable.

The new agency gives first year employees - wait for it - 10 days of total PTO. And 8 holidays. 10 days of paid time off, whether it is sick or vacation. I have a child. Who gets sick sometimes. And who attends a child care that takes 15 paid holidays. So right there? That's 7 out of 10 days of PTO if I covered all of her holidays. Well, 6 - since one of those days is the day after Thanksgiving and I don't work Fridays. But wait, maybe I do. Because the new place? Wants all salaried employees to work 40 hours. I work 36 (four 9s). So I went into this meeting more than a little surly, which is scaring my Director because she is worried I will leave. And if I leave they are kind of screwed. And honestly? I am considering jobsearching again, even though I don't want to.

The kicker was when they were going over the benefits stuff. I was already surly so it didn't take much. It was a no-brainer to decline the health insurance because even though it is somewhat better coverage, it's something like $135 more per month than what we have now. But I was considering the dental because our dental sucks. And the HR lady read me the spiel about how any benefits I get for Jen count as taxable income blah blah blah because of the stupid Feds and how Jen's portion can't be pre-tax blah blah and I nod and whatever because I already know the suckitude. But then she says that I have to sign this thing that states that I know all of this and she starts to hand it over and I notice that it's a form that was originally written to address domestic partnerships, and is in fact still in use for domestic partnerships of any gender make-up. So one of the things you have to "attest to," on the DP form, is that neither party is married.

I told them I wouldn't sign the form. Because we are married. And she tried to be all nice about it and be like, "I know, but to the Federal government blah blah blah," and I said, "Of course. But I am legally married regardless and I do not feel right about signing a legal form attesting to the fact that I am not married." And she offered to write in something like, 'according to the Federal government,' and at that point I decided that the increased dental benefits weren't really worth signing a shitty form. Because having to file taxes two different ways is ridiculous enough.

I wonder if this has ever come up before. It sure didn't seem like it had. Surprising, for a rather large social service agency.

Work.

Work is interesting.

One of my coworkers is completely and totally exasperating and sometimes I want to just cock my head, look at her, and ask, "Are you /serious/?" But the thing is, she IS totally serious. She is just that exasperating naturally. It's maddening.

We have these big offices that we share with lots of coworkers (since you don't spend much time in the office anyway, you know?) and I had to switch offices because the anxiety level in my original office was off the hook. I just can't handle that kind of drama. I am just not very OHNOZ! at work and can't really deal with that stuff. I come in. I do my job. Whatever happens happens. I go home. If my paperwork gets returned because something's not right or my productivity is down or I get no-showed a lot, eh. It happens. I can't see getting riled up about it.

At the lunch table today, one of my coworkers was asking one of our Spanish interpreters if she could relabel some ASL/Baby Sign handouts with Spanish words. So another coworker and I were showing off our ASL and Spanish prowess, making signs and saying words: gato, carro, mami, zapatos, stuff like that. Finally I waved my hand in front of my face while crinkling my nose and said, "Caca."

Clearly I am Made Of Win.

Fin Update:
Yesterday I put some Delicious Canned Food on our deck table and this morning, Fin was totally chowing down on it. I thought maybe I would open the door and see if he would come in, but he ran away as soon as he heard me turn the lock. DRAT! I guess we'll just be leaving food outside.

Job Update:
There aren't many staff members, which means there aren't a lot of people to get into trouble with. That is very very sad. However, they need to start billing pronto and I can pretty much take cases right now, so they like me a lot. Heh. And I confirmed that I will get the big money I wanted ($6k more than my last job) for a four-day work week. Nice.

Punk Update:
She has this AWFUL diaper rash that seems to get worse when she is at child care. This evening it was red and puffy and just so bad. I'm wondering if she is sensitive to the disposable wipes (we use cloth wipes at home). I'm going to send cloth wipes to child care and see what happens, and Jen is taking her to walk-in hour at the pediatrician. Also, she has had horrible poop for the last couple of days... I think maybe from the increase in solid finger foods? Or because we started yogurt and cheese? Either way, we have some experimenting to do.