judecorp: (baby feet)
I have questions... Do you want more babies? Have you thought about a time frame regarding making more babies? Would you carry the next baby?

I want more children. I would love to get working on another right now because I'd love to have kids close in age, but finances and life won't really allow for that.

Jen would like to get pregnant. She was actually supposed to do the pregnant thing last time but it didn't work out that way. She has a bunch of things she wants to do, health-wise, before that happens so I have no idea when that might be. Sadly. Because I am a big planner.

I also want to adopt. Originally I thought we would have one bio-kid (Jen's) and then adopt, but then I got pregnant and Jen still wants a turn, so who knows?
judecorp: (motherhood)
All fertility stuff. Skip at will. )

HOLY THINGS MOVE FAST, BATMAN!!
judecorp: (rubber duckie)
Holy crap on a crap cracker!

Guess whose insurance company agreed to pay for all IUIs and monitoring and ultrasounds and bloodwork and everything! Quick, guess!

MINE!

I don't know how he did it, but my Boston IVF doctor stayed true to his word and put through the claim even though he said they would deny it, so that I could go through the appeals process and try to get stuff done. I guess he's got all of the magic words and is also the best doctor ever, because the office called me today (I thought they'd forgotten about me) and said they have pre-approved 24 office visits and all procedures! WOW!

More gory fertility stuff: )
judecorp: (think too much)
So what IS behind all the curiosity of who our donor is? No less than 12 people have asked me questions inquiring about the guy, what he looks like, etc. I'm not really sure what to make of it all. Part of me thinks maybe people are just being curious and asking questions (and maybe I would do the same thing) and the other part of me gets kind of weirded out.

I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's no GUY involved. There were a bunch of .pdf profiles that we looked at to check health records, hair/eye color, etc. There's an encrypted number and I called the bank, I inquired about availability of the number, and I arranged an order. There's no name, no face, no personality profile, no favorite song. It's not a real person. It's a couple of tiny vials of stuff that my wife and I hope to use to make a baby. Our baby.

I guess it's sort of natural curiosity to want to know more details, but the part of me that is weirded out is the part that's incredibly protective of Jen. This is HER potential child, and anything that leaves her out, even a little bit, obviously raises my hackles. I dread the day when we're actually pregnant and the question changes from, "Who's the guy?" to "Who's the father?" I can't decide if I'll answer with, "Jen" or with something snarkier.

If we were using a known donor, perhaps there could be more talk about the guy. ("A friend," I could say, or, "This acquaintance of mine.") But it's not even like that. Jen felt much more comfortable using a totally anonymous bunch of words in a bank, and so we're paying the hefty price to have that anonymity, to /not/ have the presence of a guy, you know? There's just me and Jen. And hopefully a baby.

And what about this guy, right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, as long as he's healthy and his sperm is viable, who cares? He doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's just a fertility treatment expense, just like the meds will be, just like the IUIs will be. There's nothing to tell.

~//~

So, to be fair, those of you who have ever thought about asking "about the guy," let me hear your side (if you want). What brought about the question? Why would you want to know? What would you be hoping to hear? Inquiring minds want to know.
judecorp: (nudeysmurf)
This is all about fertility junk. Be prepared for info on temps, charting, and ovulation. )
judecorp: (probst loves me!)
First thing's first - happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] wendywoohoo!

I got crap all done at work today. I had two visits scheduled after playgroup and they both got cancelled, so I thought I would get a ton of work done (paperwork) and instead I just couldn't stop talking to people. Argh, I hate it when that happens! I only get things done when no one is in the office. However, I got my letter in the mail saying that if I send the money ($68) I will have my LICSW. Score!

We went to Lyssa's to watch Survivor and eat pizza and ice cream. That was big fun. I like watching Survivor with others. It seems much less nerdy when it's some sort of social event. Besides, pizza and ice cream is probably my favorite meal. Somewhere in there I started losing my voice. I hate when that happens.

Actual conversation last night:
Me: So who should we say will be our babydaddy?
Jen: What?
Me: I think we should give him a name.
Jen: David?
Me: No, my old supervisor is David.
Jen: Donald?
Me: No! My high school boyfriend is Donald!
Jen: Uhh... D'Brickashaw?
Me: Yes! YES!!

Also:

Mar. 8th, 2006 11:05 pm
judecorp: (motherhood)
I think we might have agreed on a donor. Whee!

(Now we can do all of the paperwork and shell out the big bucks. Fun, right?)
judecorp: (if only love was easy)
Choosing sperm is HARD.
judecorp: (in color)
My Jennifer took me out for sushi lunch to celebrate the LICSW exam, and then the delightful [livejournal.com profile] siercia bought us ice cream.

AND, I think I might have had a big glob of EWCM this afternoon!

!!
judecorp: (top of the world)
I'll start backwards because it just happened and because it would seem weird at the end: I just passed my last social work exam! EVER! This morning I took my ASWB Clinical exam and got an 81 (needed a 75) and now, as soon as they send me the paperwork and I fill it in and send them even MORE money, I will finally be a Licensced Independent Clinical Social Worker. Which is pretty much the "end of the road" in my career, and means that I can be a program manager and a supervisor and an independent clinician and all of that. Which is good.

I didn't tell many people that I was even taking the exam today because I felt there was a very good chance I wouldn't pass... and if I didn't, I'd have rather kept it on the DL, especially at work.

~//~

Yesterday I had my follow-up with my incredibly sexy fertility doc with the British accent, and it went /awesome/. He was pretty much ready to start sperming me up right away, like... ASAP. The Gory Details: )

So, holy crap... we could be doing this as soon as I bleed again (and I told him I would call him in 3 weeks-ish if I have no sign that I ovulated and no period in sight). WOW.
judecorp: (least resistance)
It's another cold day in the 'hood. Dashboard says 17° again which does not really please me. I have some frantic running around to do today - a home visit in Roxbury at 9:30 and then I have to make it to my doctor's appointment in Quincy at 11:00. I suppose it's doable but I get kind of paranoid about lateness, especially when I don't really know this doctor's policy on such things, since I've only been there once. Still, I should be able to make it.

Speaking of, Fertility Stuff: )

So tired. I keep waking up at 6:30am or so and I wish I wouldn't. I could really use that extra hour of sleep. Drat!
judecorp: (keep going)
I was looking up my medical claims online with my insurance company to make sure my fertility consult had been paid. (It had.) I also noticed the claim for all of the bloodwork the fertility clinic had me get: tests for HIV, chlamydia, syphyllis, HPV, gonorrhea, other things like that; genetic testing for cystic fibrosis and Tay-Sachs (I thought it was only common among Ashkenazi Jews but apparently it is also an issue for French Canadians and my mother is of distant French-Canadian ancestry as far as I know); some other stuff I don't remember. They took 6-8 vials of blood /and/ a urine sample that day. It was insane!

So I noticed online that the lab charged the insurance company $1500!! And that the insurance company has paid about $250. The most expensive test was $330 (probably the Tay-Sachs) and the insurance company says it's not covered. They also said that I am not responsible for the bill if the billing source did not tell me that it might not be covered and make me sign some sort of paperwork saying I would pay anyway. And now I'm trying to remember.

I don't know if I signed anything saying that I would pay for anything the insurance didn't pay. I know that the doctor said he wasn't sure if the insurance company would cover the Tay-Sachs test but HE didn't make me sign anything... but I don't know if I had to sign something at the blood lab. I mean, I signed so many things that day!

Argh. My insurance policy says that Tay-Sachs testing is covered for Jewish or French-Canadian descent. I guess if I /do/ get a bill from the blood lab (which I haven't yet), I can just plead Canuck.

Freaking insurance.
judecorp: (i am stupid)
Don't make me go outside today! Waaaaah! (Fairly light day - 1 school visit, 2 home visits, staff meeting, 1 home visit) It's freeeeeeeezing!

Jen started her new routine of getting up at 6:45am so she can make herself breakfast before work. This came from a conversation we had about when she saw the nutritionist and got some really great advice that she hadn't been able to really embrace yet. Breakfast is important, yo! My body woke me up at 6:30am because the sun was out. Damn it, I love longer days as much as the next guy but I hate sleeping farmer's hours. In Ohio, the sun came up LATER and stayed out LONGER and that worked much better for me. Aah well. I keep taking my temps earlier and earlier.

Fertility stuff: )

I'm so psyched that the Dolly Parton Transamerica song is free on iTunes right now. YAY! Dolly Parton is so cute. I love Dollywood. I was there for my first honeymoon, yo!

Have a wonderful day, friends!

Dreams

Feb. 26th, 2006 12:38 pm
judecorp: (motherhood)
I think I'll probably start lj-cutting all of the baby-making stuff because I'm willing to bet there are people who absolutely don't want to see a million posts about charting and cervical fluid or whatever. I'm not great with consistently using filters, and besides, filters make things friends-only and I don't like that. So... skip the cuts if you don't want to see. :)

So I have this charting fantasy... )

Of course, I also have this weird dream where 2006 is going to be this dynamite year of change - new town, new house, new job for Jen, baby on the way. Right now, I can't really bear to imagine that these things might be, you know, difficult or less than smooth.
judecorp: (beach kiss)
Jen got a haircut last night and she looks so incredibly hot right now. I mean, she looks hot all the time but her hair was starting to get kind of shaggy in the back and the front had lost its texture. And The Dark Overlord fixed it and made it messy in front and clean in the back and holy hot damn, she is good looking. Her hair falls into her eyes and it is just Too. Much. To. Handle. Yow.

Can I just tell you how psyched I am that I still totally have the serious hots for my wife? She rocks my socks. She also gets my rocks off. Rocks rocks rocks. I'm just glad she's so darned sexy.

~//~

My fertility monitor arrived at work today but I forgot to bring it home. It doesn't really matter, though, because I can't start using it until my next CD1, which could be as much as 2 months from now given my recent history. I ordered a new basal thermometer, too, but it hasn't arrived yet. Babies babies babies.

Speaking of, Jen and I have talked about it at length and I think (we're Libras, ask again tomorrow) the consensus is to go at this thing as aggressively as possible and hope that conception occurs sooner rather than later. The chances of success increase with IUI versus intravaginal inseminations, and IUI-prepared sperm are of a better quality than standard sperm. And if the doctor wants to do a bunch of blood tests/ultrasounds to maximize chances, we'll probably give it a go. As long as we can afford it, that is. We probably can't do it that way forever.

I'm also going to try to get my doctor to file the insurance claim anyway, even though it will be rejected, so I can attempt to go through the appeals process at the insurance company. It's worth a shot.

~//~

We'd always talked about having a big first anniversary party to celebrate our marriage because we didn't have a wedding (for a number of reasons, not the least of which being my bad wedding experience). What do you think about that? Is it cheesy? Does it come across like some sort of gift-grubbing endeavor? If it's NOT cheesy, do we have it at a place like a wedding reception, or just a big house party?

Decisions.
judecorp: (love doesn't hurt)
I don't talk to my mother very often and we don't have a terribly close relationship. It's not surprising since my parents got divorced when I was three and I lived with my dad, but I think that my mother always had this notion that we didn't have a relationship /because/ of my dad and that we would somehow magically be close when I moved out of my dad's house when I was 17. Except of course that didn't happen.

We actually did start to get kind of close for a while when A. and I were together, when I was in Boston for grad school, and then when I moved to Maine to be with him. We talked quite a bit and she came up to Maine several times. When I moved to Ohio we saw each other occasionally but distance kind of killed that, and then she got really weird when I got divorced.

I thought at the time that she just had such mixed feelings about my getting divorced... she was going through rocky times with her husband and I'm not sure if my divorce from A. was really difficult for her or what. When Jen and I got together, my mom had a lot of trouble with that for a long time and seemed to have a hard time even saying Jen's name. She would change the subject a lot and stuff. I guess it's one thing to have your kid tell you she's queer and another for your kid to be a /practicing/ queer or something. Whatever. She's nice to Jen now and that's all that really matters to me... but we still don't have a relationship.

I decided to call her tonight since I haven't talked to her in a long time, and the last time I talked to her I was in a really bad mood and not much into talking... so I thought it would be a good idea to just catch up on stuff. I decided to tell her (why, I don't know) that I have been seeing a fertility specialist (I've seen reproductive endocrinologists a couple of times through the years, so she's aware of my fertility-type problems already) specifically because Jen and I want to start trying to have a baby. I thought... oh hell, I don't know what I thought, really, but I thought she might be kind of jazzed about it.

So I tell her, and her entire commentary revolved around the fact that I told her when I was 18 that I didn't want to bear children. And that's it. Not even in a question or whatever, although I tried to pretend it was like that and decided to go into the many reasons we were considering /not/ adopting right now, as well as reasons why I (and not Jen) am considering trying right now. And I talked about the whole fertility process and the costs and how we have to decide how far we want to go with this and how much we can realistically spend and yadda yadda.

And she changed the subject.

Aah well, I tried. At least she said hi to Jen.
judecorp: (control issues)
I always used to say (and think) that the whole "PMS = emotional" thing was just a schtick concocted by (who else?) the patriarchy to denigrate women and make them ashamed of their bodies, not to mention blame them for the crap they do wrong. And to a large extent, I still believe that.

I mean, think of all of the stupid products we have on the market to help women conceal their menstrual cycles, their body odors, etc. And how there is so much embarrassment wrapped up in girls' bodies that seems to just somehow seep into the consciousness of young women anywhere from 10-15 years old. And so on.

But I have to say, that spontaneous period thing on Tuesday night was BY FAR the /best/ thing that has ever happened to my funky Valentine's Day mood. Things had been kind of rocky for that whole weekend and of course - because, hello? I'm human - I blamed it all on Jen. Not that I'm letting Jen off scot-free, mind you (*giggle*), but hey, maybe I was a little extra, erm, sensitive. Or something. Yeah.

~//~

Also, I'm totally fooling myself that I'm going to start having more normal-ish cycles now that I've doubled the Metformin. I'm fooling myself so much so that I'm becoming a charting fool. "Just for giggles," I keep telling myself... but I'm secretly hoping that heck, maybe this will work and I'll actually ovulate somewhere in there. (I've made a few past attempts at charting but they always ended up in frustration... a few 100+ day cycles will do that to you.) So we'll see, right? It's appealing to my Inner Nerd, anyway. Aaah, graphs and spreadsheets.
judecorp: (keep going)
Okay, so it started with the morning nookie that got denied.
Then the 10 hour workday.
Then the Valentine's Day dinner of Raisin Bran.
With the cats as my dates. (But they're cute!)
Then Jen came home, and I went to bed earlyish.
She said, "I'll be there in a few minutes."
(Which was really about 90.)
So we argued into the inky morning, and I couldn't sleep.
Around 2am, I think, I drifted off.
Woke up around 3am after having a weird dream about getting my period.
Figured, hey, might as well check, right?
And there it was.

The rabbit hadn't shown its head since December 2nd and it couldn't wait until a /decent/ hour? Gah. Crappy cap to a crappy day.

Oh well, I guess that means I'm able to start seriously charting and see if I can make some sense of it all this time around. Maybe the doubled meds will help with something. Too bad I didn't win that monitor on eBay.

(Big gothy hellos to my newest LJ friend, [livejournal.com profile] vlindinhauer. Some of you may know him as the infamous Dark Overlord. Too bad this journal's full of whining and babymaking these days.)

Night off

Jan. 30th, 2006 06:09 pm
judecorp: (let's stay inside)
Normally I would be heading to babysitting right now but they called and asked to switch to tomorrow for the week and I said okay. I thought about just saying no and not babysitting until next Monday, but hey, we really end up using that $60 that I bring back every week. It usually ends up being our weekend spending money so we don't use our real money. We should probably just save it, but that's something else entirely.

Jen is at work tonight so I have a night all to my little lonesome, where I will eat macaroni and cheese out of a box (but I will cook it first) and maybe watch a movie or something. And do some crap around the house. And just be lazy. Tomorrow, if Jen's not working late, she can have the house to herself and do... whatever it is she does when I'm not around. (I envision time on the couch watching sci-fi.)

~//~

I called the insurance company today to talk about their crappy policy. While the person I spoke with was incredibly sympathetic, it pretty much looks like a no-go. She suggested that I talk to the doctor's office and get them to fill out the approval paperwork anyway, and let it get rejected so I can appeal. And maybe I can get the doctor's office to write about how I used to be married to a guy. Who knows? But basically we pored through all of the policies again and there are specific sentences that talk about how they won't provide for benefits if the woman "has not had access to sperm" for the last year. And I also learned that I wouldn't need a year of failed IUIs for them to start paying, but at least 12 failed IUI cycles, which is even longer. Ugh. They just suck a whole lot.

She tried to be as encouraging as possible, but it's kind of all there in black and white. It all depends how much the doctor wants to go out on a limb and whether they would even consider some sex I had in the mid-90s. Otherwise we're looking at spending something like $10-$15K before the insurance /that I pay for/ will even start. I guess, if we DO decide to go for it, we would have to, like, hope it didn't take that long!

Maybe I can just get a big fat prescription for clomid and go around having anonymous sex with strange Bostonian men every month. HA!
judecorp: (bring it on)
It was recently asked of me if I thought it was responsible to go through fertility treatments to potentially bring a child into the world who might also have infertility issues, thereby creating familial dependence on the pharmaceutical industry. The comment and question was: I don't really consider fertility drugs a good idea. I understand the urge to be pregnant, to carry and give birth - I have that same urge. But I'm also aware that pregnancy may not be the best option for me and my child. If you push to have biological children, they will likely suffer the same infertility problems you're having, condemning generations of your offspring to dependence on Big Pharma.

My quick response:
Interesting perspective.

I don't consider myself any more dependent on "Big Pharma" than your average Joe Schmo American. My family history, like most people's family histories, is full of pharmaceuticals - high blood pressure, type II diabetes, cholesterol, heart disease, skin cancer, depression, et cetera. All of these are fairly common problems these days, especially as people get older and "modern medicine" keeps them going. My grandfather is 88 years old and has had 2 heart attacks and one bypass surgery, takes medication for heart disease, blood pressure, and type II diabetes (largely diet controlled). Should he have not had children?

I think the push to adopt existing children is admirable, and more than admirable, it should be considered and pursued by more people. However, I think that discouraging people from having children (biological, adopted, or whatever) usually ends up boiling down to trying to create some superior class of people who 'should' have biochildren over others who 'shouldn't' - queers, single parents, poor people, sicker people, older people, people without health insurance, people in poorer countries... I could continue to go on.

I'm appalled by a statement that implies that a child with the potential to develop endocrine problems (like PCOS) is somehow less desirable or would be 'suffering' more than an adopted child. My parents actually /don't/ have a history of PCOS or other endocrine problems, although PCOS is now seen largely as an insulin problem more than an ovary problem... and since my grandfather developed type II diabetes later in life it's /possible/ that I've inherited some sort of predisposition to him. Of course, it's also possible that I could have a heart attack in my 50s like my father, or have high cholesterol like my grandmother.

What /is/ a shame is the way pregnancy and childbirth have become big business for medical and pharmaceutical companies, with scheduled inductions and pain-free laboring and intervention after intervention that in most cases are not necessary and may impede progress. In that sense, /anyone/ who chooses (or doesn't choose) to be pregnant is feeding "Big Pharma." What next? End all pregnancies? Decide no one should give birth?

I think it's fantastic that you have soul-searched and come to the conclusion that pregnancy may not be the best option for you and your child. My hope is that every person is able to do the same amount of thinking and have the same amount of choice.


I thought this would make an interesting interactive debate, because I know that I have a lot of different friends with a LOT of different perspectives. SO HAVE AT IT!

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judecorp

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